After our first week in Prineville

***Its actually now been two weeks, but I wrote this after one week here***

Today marked one week being here, and the last week feels like a weird blur.  I kept saying I felt like I was walking around in dreamland-- still shocked this is actually reality.  It is absolute craziness to unpack and try to put a house together with four little boys .... especially in the heat (we were so spoiled by AC in our Albany house).  I've been feeling like we've been on a trip more than this is home.  


I like the layout of this house but there are quite a few things I miss about our Albany house. I can probably list ten or so annoying things about this place but I'll try not to make this post negative!  ;)  Just for fun though, here's one-This house doesn't have a screen door for the kitchen slider (our landlord will replace it) and its HOT so we open it up in the mornings... so of course FLIES invade our house.  We've even had three bee stings!  I keep thinking of a precious friend and their calling to be missionaries in Kenya.  I think: Okay, if Autumn is going to Kenya, surely I can put my house together in PRINEVILLE while enduring moderate heat, swarming flies and bee stings!  ;)  


The boys are adjusting alright.  Zekey has been asking for neighbor Nona... which breaks my heart.  The other morning Siah asked me "when we go back to our REAL house so we can play with Poole Boys?" ... which caused that lump of sadness in my throat to swell up again.  Noah says he hates Prineville water (it tastes a little funny & no fluoride!) ... that just made me laugh. We had a grumpy neighbor across the street YELL at Eli for scooter-ing in his driveway... made my Mama Bear blood boil!  Those are just little things- all in all they're really carrying on fine... life as usual.

I went to a bible study the other night- Beth Moore (love her!). The ladies were nice, its just weird being the stranger. I think it will be a really good study & I think perfect timing for me. We're studying Daniel & in the intro Beth said: "I didn't expect Daniel to become one of the most effective antidotes I've ever taken for fear. It shows God in control absolutely sovereign never shaken and nothing can deter his plan for the ages." Sounds a bit perfect for me. I want to make the best of this & live life to the fullest for God's glory but at the same time there are moments were I'm frozen in sadness and doubt.  

The people we've met are nice... definitely a small town.  Our neighbor is a teacher Jonny works with.  The nurse at the family practice is the mom of a boy on our soccer team.  It really does feel like everyone knows everyone... or at least knows someone you know.  The Vice Principal & Athletic Director at the high school go to Calvary.  The principal is a believer also but she lives in Redmond.  I've run into people I "know" at the grocery store, park... stoplight  :)  I met up with a nice homeschool mom today (At Starbucks! There is a Starbucks!) who seems to know everyone in town.  Seriously!  She's super nice and we're going to join a Prineville homeschool group that meets twice a month to do science crafts & experiments as we go through an Apologia Astronomy textbook.  


Anyway, I'm trying to keep my overwhelmed and grieving eyes on the Lord and be persistent in prayer.  These verses come to mind:

^"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thes. 5:16-18

 "And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope."  Romans 5:3-4

Last year in the 20's

***I'm going to attempt to do a little "catch up" on blog postings, so here we go...***

First of all, YES I turned 29- go ahead and gasp.  Most people are surprised to hear how young I am.  I'm the youngest of most all my friends, and I think the four kids thing makes people guess I'm about five years older... 

Anyway, last month I turned 29 and I did a little reflection time the morning I woke up.  It went something like this:

29, WOW, 29!  How strange.  My last year in the twenties.  Then its the thirties!  It seems like everyone is sad about their birthdays from 30 on up!  That's a WHOLE lot of life to be sad about!  I'm excited to turn 30!  

But, for now I'm 29.  I would have never guessed how hard and how wonderful my life would be on my 29th birthday.  Wait, I think my left side is wet- yep, some little munchkin who crawled into bed with us peed.  Lovely.  My right side is a little sweaty... that would be because another little munchkin was sleeping up against me, being my own personal little heater.  

Fast forward a little later to my shower.  It get's interrupted.  As usual.  Chubby little fingers grab ahold of the shower curtain, and a little white haired cutie-patootie pokes his head in as he says, "Mama!"  Love those moments.  

Fast forward an hour and I'm sitting around a breakfast table discussing life with wonderful, dear friends.  Treasure these moments being sharpened and encouraged by godly women.  

By lunch time I'm at a park having a picnic with my sweet family.  Eli is playing basketball like a little hotshot. Noah is riding his bike, laughing deliriously as he takes corners and picks up speed.  Siah close by my side, of course; cautious to even go down the slide.   Zeke happily swinging away in the baby swing, making funny faces.  

The afternoon was followed by a long nap and gardening out front with my neighbor mom.  Cherish that relationship!  Next it was on to prepping for boys birthday party, oh to be a mom!

What a great day.  SO many blessings.  Yet, there is something nagging in my soul.  In the back of my mind... and at the front of my mind- often in my speech, I was wrestling through this trial before us.  


(More on that to come)

Throughout the day I remembered Who was with me, Who has been with me the entire 29 years, Who knows my thoughts, my joys, my sorrows.  
"You know when I sit down or stand up.  You know my every thought when far away."  -Psalm 139:2

Taking a break from being sick to PAINT!

The strangest virus made its way into our home and seriously knocked some of us out for days.  Some were out for a day, good for a few days then out again for another day.  Some of us weren't affected at all.  Some of us were puking our guts out, while some of us were dealing with it on the other end... It was a gnarly, sneaky kind of illness- that's for sure!  I'm not even certain its gone.  I do know that we did have a couple good days last week and this is what the boys got most excited about between their sickness.  :)  Yay for art projects!!

A look into our week

Right before Christmas break ended, we got hit with a nasty virus that circled through three of the boys and is now finally, finally gone!  Now that everyone is healthy, we're back in our regular groove this week.  In celebration of my mom's birthday today, I thought I'd share some pics from our "back to normal week". 

 Happy Birthday, Mom!!!

Zekey out for a winter walk

Daddy & Zeke all tuckered out. 

Noah working on his numbers/counting.

Math is Eli's favorite part of school.

Noah has made some really cool things with his mini Leggo's lately.

Noah doing a reading game.

Siah learning his letters.

Cute face!

Quiet Time- looking at books.

Palydough project showing parts of the earth- core, mantle, crust.

Zekey likes to crawl inside of things.  Toilets, laundry baskets, puzzle boxes, desk drawers, diaper boxes, etc.

Cute boys in cute jammies.

Zekey and his crazy hair enjoying Story Time at the library.

Siah being a boy.  (This happens to be one of my favorite things about little boys!)

Eli made Mr. Gallon Man (with Mommy's help).

Encouragement

Do you ever feel like there are way too many decisions to make as parents?   ...

It begins before the child is even born.  What will your pregnancy diet look like?  Will you find out boy/girl?  Midwife or doctor?  Hospital or homebirth?  

Then they're born.  Will you give Baby a pacifier?  Will you let them sleep with you?  Will you "sleep train"?  Will you feed them only organic food?  

As they get bigger and bigger and bigger there are more and more and more decisions...
How will  you discipline?  Will you have them participate in sports?  Public school/Private school/Homeschool... become an unschooler?   T.V.?  If so, how much?  Santa no Santa?  Trick-or-treat? Cook only from scratch?  

Ahh!  The decisions are never ending!  And I only listed a bit.  Heaven forbid you make the wrong "choice" and screw up your kid!  

Well, last night, without this even being the topic of conversation, Jonny gave me a HUGE compliment and encouragement.  We were talking about Eli's presentation topic for class this week (John the Baptist) when Jonny just stopped and told me how good of a mom I am.  He was thankful. He is thankful that I'm teaching the boys to ask to be excused from the table.  He is thankful that I am teaching the boys to do chores and pick up after themselves.  He is thankful I've equipped our six year old son to be able to give a presentation on a biblical topic that most adults wouldn't be able to.  He is thankful that I pour into them every day.  Now, I screw up PLENTY!  I hope I don't sound prideful here.  I want to share how great it is to receive encouragement at just the right time.  I was stewing over these "decisions" & "screwing up my kids" thoughts the last few days and Jonny put all my concerns to rest through his encouraging words.  

"Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up."   Prov. 12:25

Blogging

I seem to have hit a blogging stunt.   I have so many things on my plate that blogging as slid right of and smashed onto the floor.  (And speaking of smashing into things, I better be careful because it feels like I'm heading straight toward a big wall.)  I'm not sure what the purpose of my blog is anymore.  It began as a platform to share with friends/family recent pictures & stories of our life.  I also found it fun to share some of the things God was teaching me.  Blogging was a fun Mommy outlet for me to process and reflect on my life.  I love to write, but I'm just not into it lately.  Plus the fact that time is not something I have much of, and very little time is allotted for blogging. And another thing- I don't think I'm a good blogger.  I used to occasionally read other blogs and there are some bloggers out there that just do a great job!  I'm afraid I'm sort of a "Plain Jane" boring type.  And then I start analyzing what I've "put out there" for the world to see.  Eek!  How embarrassing!  

So here I am, Plain Jane with little time.  But I'm also a girl of routine, and I feel like I need to keep at it- to write just as much about Zeke as I have written about his brothers.  I love that we can record & capture moments from our life so easily.  Years from now when our boys are men it will be so sweet to look back at video or read silly stories.  I guess when I look back and see a drop off in blog posts, I'll remember- oh that was when I started homeschooling and being a tutor for Noah's class and Zeke & Siah were babies and Eli & Noah were starting sports and I was doing part-time childcare and I was the Sunday School teacher for Noah's class and I couldn't read more than three stories in a row to the boys without falling asleep and my email inbox had 78 emails to be sorted through and my house was always a mess and I'd go to bed way too late and my last prayer of the day would be "Oh Lord, give me strength.  I need Your help." and my neck would get kinked from sleeping in weird positions because my bed was full of boys and ... blah blah blah.  

They say I'll miss it.  Probably so.  :)  I won't miss the crunch for time.  Last weekend I got up early to get to Eugene by 8:30 with three little boys so we could do the Race for the Cure in celebration of our beloved neighbor.  I was missing my cherished church time, (especially so since I only get to go every other week) I was loosing sleep, I was paying for gas, etc, etc,- it took effort and planning to get packed and out the door.  Well, it was a bit of a disaster.  Pouring rain, cold boys, a soaking wet Noah.... we didn't even finish the walk.  I was back in the car by 10:30 (which was not a fun trek).  I had to cancel plans to see dear friends in Eugene.  On the way home I was just so disappointed.  (Well, after I got lost and had to call my sister to guide me to the freeway!)  Why would God allow me to waste so much of my time when every half hour is so important.  I missed church!  I stayed up late packing!  I got up early!  I used gas money!  I missed out on seeing friends!  A whole morning wasted?  Well, not exactly.  My neighbor was blessed that we showed up to support her.  I got some exercise!  I got to have quiet prayer time on the way home.  I got to see six teenage boys clean my kitchen when I walked in the door.  I got to take a TWO HOUR NAP after lunch.  Sometimes bad memories turn into funny memories after some time has passed.  Sometimes God gives allows us to experience frustrating situations in order to provide opportunities to respond in a way that glorifies Him... or in a way that ruins our attitude, mood & day.  I pray I can show my boys the better example.

So with my business and with my lack of time.... I may not blog much.  I may even get frustrated with serious things or even trivial things.  But I will trust God with each day and ask Him to orchestrate my agenda- to give me the strength to accomplish His goals for my life.  And I will ask Him to fill me with the Spirit and equip me with His armor so that I am able to withstand the whiles of the enemy and that godly fruit will be poured into my children and my home.

I really hope to get some more recent video/pics up soon, but for now here are Zeke's 10mo pics from a week and a half ago.  

Oh so worth it!  Look at that face! 

Overwhlemed

I am so overwhelmed with everything I have going on that I feel dizzy.  I thought maybe it would make me feel better to organize my thoughts by writing them out.  So here is everything I'm overwhelmed with:

• Messy house
• Praying about doing childcare for two boys
• All the prep work I have for being a tutor for Classical Conversations
• Homeschooling
• Not reading all that books I wanted to this summer
• Not catching up on my baby books & scrapbooking
• Jonny only has one week left of summer and we didn't get everything done
• Getting enough husband/wife time
• Being a good mom to FOUR BOYS

It's also overwhelming to think that a month from now, our life will be busy with:

• Young Life
• Classical Conversations
• House Church
• Jonny leading worship for The Well (youth group)
• Children's Ministry
• Soccer
• Book Club
• Childcare??

Praying for God's wisdom & strength.

"Commit everything you do to the LORD.  Trust him, and he will help you."  -Psalm 37:5

There was a school board meeting tonight!

It was SO encouraging!!!  100-ish people showed up in support of Jonny, about 80 of them were students.  Probably about 10 people stood up to speak on behalf of Jonny & his influence as a teacher and mentor at Cascade- half students, half parents.  The board had to say "okay, just one more".  Some of the students were near tears (I'm sure there was a nervous factor, but still!).  They all spoke so, so highly of Jonny.  It was really, really humbling for both of us. 

The principal told Jonny he thought there's a good chance the board will give Jonny his job back next month.  This is where we need prayer because that is not a certain thing and he IS interviewing for a new job.  The last day of school is Friday, and it could be Jonny's very last day at Cascade.  We just want to cover this whole thing in prayer- wisdom/timing. 

We listened to one of Jon Courson's messages last night from Hebrews 1.  It was all on verse 3:  "and upholding all things by the word of His power".  Its incredible to try and comprehend that God holds all existence together.  The universe and all the intricacies of life.  .... even down to our current little situation- He's got our future held together by the word of His power.  His MIGHTY power! 

Thank you so much for your prayers!

The room got so full that there were people standing against that back wall and out into the hallway.  Pretty cool!

Closed Door

This is the email I sent out today, on my birthday:

Hi All,

Last night Jonny got a phone call confirming that he did not get the job.  We are bummed, but know God has a plan.  We're just not sure what it is! 

A couple days ago a friend reminded us of something Pastor Rob always says:  God's past faithfulness demands our present trust.  Also that with a closed door, God could be saving us from something and for something else. 

A verse from someone else:  "But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you."
1 Peter 5:10

This morning another friend emailed this verse which was very encouraging: 
"You will show me the path of life: in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand there are  pleasures forevermore." Ps 16:11

Thanks again for your prayers!  Much love,

PRAY!

Lots of unkown in our world lately!  I've alluded to some of our uncertainty but haven't had the time to elaborate.  Since mid April we've been prayfully considering a big change that would have us possibly moving up near Turner for a season of more ministry involvement.  I was especially wrestling through that one because of my love for our church, our friends, our neighbors and the community here being so great to raise children in.  This all came to a halt two weeks ago when Jonny found out that because of budget cuts, there is a great possibility that he will loose his job for next year.  There are so many details I could share about that day (God is SO GOOD!) but I don't have the time.  All that to say, Jonny is having his first interview today!  It's a two part interview.  We covet all the prayers we can get!  Here is the latest email update I sent out:

Hi Friends,
I didn't realize how many emails would follow that original email prayer request, so thank you for putting up with all my requests for prayer in our uncertain future.  :)  That said, Jonny has an interview at North Albany Middle School today at 2pm, and we would love to have it all covered in prayer.  Saturday we had a funny little coincidence.  After Eli's soccer game, Jonny went to shake hands with the other coach, and he recognized her from the North Albany Middle School web page.  She is one of the other science teachers!  Strange... 

This verse has been on Jonny's heart for months, before all of this uncertainty began:
"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them." -Ephesians 2:10
Its so comforting to know that the Lord has it all prepared and that we do not have to worry because it will all fall into His perfect plan. 
"A man’s heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps."  -Proverbs 16:9

Thank you for your prayers!

Jehovah Jireh

Isn't it interesting how when we're in those low valleys of fearing the unknown or worrying over a crisis or stressing about possible change, God meets and comforts us and our walk with Him enters into a new level of sweetness.  We depend and rely on Him more when life gets rough.  It's a unique paradox.  At the very same time, life seems so awful and wonderful.  Awfully wonderful! 

And what is a low valley?  I mean, a low valley could really, seriously be the pits of despair or, as in our case, just a dip in the road.  Its really not that bad.  And is it ever bad?  Doesn't God say he works things for the good of those who love Him- those called for His purposes?  Perhaps there is bad, but He works 'em for the good- turns bad things into His good plans. 

Yesterday at Women's Study, Cindy said something that rang so true with me:  "God has us humble and die to ourselves to show the power of His resurrection living in us."  I always forget that.  Resurrection power!  We're talking, roll the stone away power!  Living in... me? 

^"But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you."  -Rom. 8:11

 What does that mean?  That by Spirit who lives inside me I am no longer in bondage to the things of the fallen nature.  Fear? Puh!  I need not fear.  

I don't have to be a fearful, trembling girl.  Or a stressed and wigged out girl!  I'm a... a... soldier?  

"Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand." -Ephes 6:13

The boys and I have recently started doing this every morning before we start our day.  They love it.  Well, of course they do- they're boys and we're talking about battle gear!  

The belt of TRUTH   (Spirit inside me, give me discernment to know what is truth- to examine things under the microscope of Your Word.)

The breastplate of RIGHTEOUSNESS  (I am are clothed in the garments of Christ.)

The sandals of PEACE  (The good news brings peace to my soul.  My eternal destination is secure... ahh, sweet peace!)

The shield of FAITH  (I believe He has and will fulfill all of His promises.  I believe.)

The helmet of SALVATION    (I am saved from the power and penalty of sin.)

The sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God (The Word of God cuts deep!  Exposes deep!  His Word is a lamp unto my feet.)

And praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit.  (I want/need and GET to be in constant communication with the God of the universe.)

Our life is crazy right now.  Business.  Lack of money.  Big decisions.  Important meetings.  A husband leaning one way, a wife leaning another.  A possible closed door?   

The boys and I were out running errands yesterday, and our last stop was the bank.  I had some money to deposit.  I stopped the car and asked the boys to quiet down and pray with me.  I asked God to give us wisdom in our finances and to provide for us.  I asked him to take the money we were depositing and expand it like He did for the 5,000 people with two fish and five loaves.  (The boys know that story.)  I said amen, but I kept praying in my head... please, Lord.  Could you really do that?  Please!  Please show them that You DO provide.  

We drive home.  Eli hops out to check the mail.  Hands it to me.  Junk, junk, bills, ... envelope addressed to me.  No return address.  Handwriting not familiar.  Stamped from Medford Oregon??  My heart leaps or maybe sinks... I don't know.  I felt so strange and I instantly pray a strange prayer,  "Please, Lord, let there be money in here."   I slowly rip it open, and folded into a blank piece of paper is $95!!!!!  "Oh my goodness, boys!!!  God just answered our prayer!  He just expanded our money like the two fish, five loaves!!!  God provided for us!"  Boys:  "Hooray!"
Me:  "Time to pray again and thank the LORD for the good things He has done."

Thank you, God for showing my boys from such a young age that you are Jehovah Jireh- The LORD who provides!

Thank you, God, for reminding me that You are in control and You will be taking care of us. 

Broken

There was an evening last week where I was especially worn out from my day with the boys.  My  reality of too little time for the goals I had set for myself left me feeling stressed and anxious- which made me exhausted and discouraged.  I told Jonny that the boys' constant need of correction that day not only left me emotionally and mentally worn out, but my body was worn out.  It was like the five and a half years of non-stop caring for children- all four births, all the bending over, arms that are always holding someone, lack of sleep- caught up with me that day.  My body felt... slow... worn out... beat.  I told him that the boys had not only fried my patience but my body felt TIRED. 

Today I was feeling it again.  Then I remembered something.  God always sees my failures and patiently guides me.  He never grows weary.  He looks on me with love, AND His body was broken for me.

"But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.

All we like sheep have gone astray;
We have turned, every one, to his own way;
And the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all." 

~Isaiah 53:5-6

So good to remember before Easter.  May I have more of His grace as I do the job He has called me to.  AND maybe, just maybe, I am most useful to Him when I am broken.

Decisions, Decisions...

A few weeks ago, I went to an info meeting for Classical Conversations- a tutor/curriculum program for homeschooling families.  The curriculum follows a classical approach to education, taught through a biblical worldview.  Today I went to the Albany CC group for their open house and Eli and I sat in on a class.  I have a few concerns about my boys, but overall I really like it and so does Eli.  As we walked out of the classroom, Eli said, "I like Classical Conversations!  Its fun!"  No joke.  It was so cute to watch him in a "classroom" setting.  He did a great job participating and answering questions. 

A bunch of my friends do this program, and one of my closest friends is starting one up at our church for next year.  I REALLY wanted to try it out, in another town, last year, but we got a closed door from the Lord.  I've been saving money for about six months now and have already registered both Eli and Noah for next year in Corvallis.  We'll meet every Monday for 3ish hours, then have the rest of the week to practice and review.

Here's my dilemma.  I was asked to pray about being a tutor, which I think I'd really like AND my payment would cover both boys' tuition.  HOWEVER, for the sake of Noah, I'm not sure if I should.  He really doesn't like to participate in group settings and three hours of paying attention to school stuff might be an unrealistic expectation for him.  I think that is difficult for boys in general.  I was watching 5-7 year old boys struggle to stay on task.  My teaching style would probably be a little different, more tailored for boys... but its still something I need to pray through.  I might just need to sit by his side and be "Mom" and not "Teacher Mom."  Decisions, decisions...

Breathing in God's Word

Generally speaking, I'm handling four boys pretty well.  I've got a schedule/routine posted to our fridge that helps me stay focused and organized.  We have days where we do things differently, like yesterday which was a "clean up & catch up day" which followed our lazy, or maybe I should say restful, Wednesday.  Then there are those crazy chaotic times that throw me for a loop and challenge my patience and multitasking.  

Like this morning, for example; when I turned my warm shower water and heard Zeke crying in his swing.  As I threw my bath robe on and rushed out to the living room, I got a whiff of a rank smell coming from Siah.  Once I made it to the bathroom and began to change Siah's diaper, with Zeke in my lap, I could hear hollering and crying coming from the playroom.  Great, a fight.  Now!?  I'm not even dressed, my hair is dripping wet, I have a baby in my lap, another baby getting his diaper changed, and two yelling at each other?  Ahh!!  BUT by the grace of God, I remembered what I wrote about the other day- how I'm raising up men here.  How some day I might actually miss all four of them needing me at the same time.  God gave me the strength to handle it all patiently.  He gave me the wisdom to speak to Eli and Noah about their behavior, instead of snapping at them.  And you know what?  Everything settled down fine.  I sat down to nurse my sweet Zekers, Siah played at my feet and Eli and Noah carried on wonderfully in the playroom.  Ten minutes of chaos could have ruined my morning if I let the craziness get to me and reacted in the flesh.  Thank You, Lord, for teaching me to be patient and thankful in these situations.  Thank You for seeing me, caring for me and working with my tendency to let a little chaos completely stress me out.

Last Sunday Pastor Rob taught from Isaiah 40- about how HUGE God is:
"Who else has held the oceans in his hand? Who has measured off the heavens with his fingers? Who else knows the weight of the earth or has weighed the mountains and hills on a scale? Who is able to advise the Spirit of the LORD? Who knows enough to give him advice or teach him? Has the LORD ever needed anyone’s advice? Does he need instruction about what is good? Did someone teach him what is right or show him the path of justice?  No, for all the nations of the world are but a drop in the bucket. They are nothing more than dust on the scales. He picks up the whole earth as though it were a grain of sand." -Isaiah 40:12-15

And the coolest thing about how huge He is, is how he cares so deeply for us.  He sees even my most trivial of trials:
"Have you never heard or understood?  Don't you know that the LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth?  He never grows faint or weary.  No one can measure the depths of his understanding.  He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; he offers strength to the weak.  Even youths will become exhausted, and young men will give up.  But those who wait on the LORD will find new strength.  They will fly high on wings like eagles.  They will run and not grow weary.  They will walk and not faint." -Isaiah 40:28-31

His majesty is far beyond what we could even begin to comprehend, yet He cares so deeply... even though our life is but a vapor, a fading flower! 
"The grass withers, and the flowers fade beneath the breath of the LORD.  And so it is with people.  The grass withers, and the flowers fade, but the word of our God stands forever." -Isaiah 40:7-8

After my morning, I sat down to read where I left of yesterday.  Here is part of what was before me:
"Your unfailing love, O LORD, is as vast as the heavens; your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds.  Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the ocean depths.  You care for people and animals alike, O LORD.  How precious is your unfailing love, O God!  All humanity finds shelter in the shadow of your wings.  You feed them from the abundance of your own house, letting them drink from your rivers of delight.  For you are the fountain of life, the light by which we see." Psalm 36:5-9 

Then this:
"LORD, remind me how brief my time on earth will be.  Remind me that my days are numbered, and that my life is fleeing away.  My life is no longer than the width of my hand.  An entire lifetime is just a moment to you; human existence is but a breath." -Psalm 39: 4-5

Wow.  Life is so short, yet the Almighty God of the universe cares for me.  May the things I dedicate my time on earth to be pleasing to Him.  May the way I handle a chaotic morning with the gifts He blessed me with be glorifying to Him because He has done SO much for me and loves me with a boundless love! 

God brought comfort, love, joy and peace into my heart this morning.  He met me. Reminded me of how big He is and how much He cares about my mundane daily tasks.  And then speaking of mundane, He reminded me of a picture I have in our kitchen.  A friend gave this to me: 

She also has this verse framed in her kitchen.  It reads: 
"Where no oxen are, the trough is clean.  But much increase comes by the strength of an ox."  -Proverbs 14:4 

God is so good!  And His everlasting Word is honey to my soul.

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I am in a season of staying home... like a lot!  At my shower, my friend, Dana, said she went through this same season when her four boys were little.  It was encouraging to hear her share about the same things I'm feeling.  Things like missing out on the Women's Bible Study (this is the first year I'm not going) or Women's retreats (this is the second year in a row I didn't get to go).  Also, the feeling like I'm missing out on developing new friendships or even keeping up with the existing ones!  Having four little ones is intense work!  At times (lots of times) it can be a constant die-to-yourself kind of job- dealing with never ending messes, snotty noses, whining, fighting, complaining, potty issues, wild behavior, disrespectful attitudes, temper tantrums, etc, etc, etc.  I never thought a simple morning shower would be such coveted "me time".  I'm limited in where I can go with my big, busy brood of blue-eyed boys.  :)  There are times when this can feel so discouraging, but if I'm smart enough to remember that I'm raising up men over here... men that (Lord willing) will be strong in their faith, servants at their church, hard working providers, leading their families in the LORD, men that will serve the LORD with their whole hearts for all of their days... if I can remember that, then it makes my slight inconveniences so well worth it.  

"And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." -Gal. 6:9

As I daily pray for the Spirit to produce good fruit in their lives:  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control; I see that my own life needs so, so, so much work in these areas.  If my boys do, indeed, produce these fruits in their lives it is only by God's grace because I am constantly confronted with my own sin and in need of the Spirit to transform me.  To take my heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh. 

"The LORD hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles.  The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed." - Psalm 34:17-18

oh...

and about the boys- Sunday morning Noah woke up with that rash Eli's had all over one side of his face!  We think they have Roseola, but its getting better, and Eli's ear isn't bothering him anymore.  Phew!  What a week!!!  (The baby boys are fine.)

Again? Really?

So I have a kidney stone again.  Last time I had kidney stones I was 6mos pregnant with Noah and the urologist asked if we planned to have more kids because kidney stones are somewhat common in pregnancies, and especially so for women who have already had stones.  :/  Praise God that this time I wasn't pregnant, and it was just after having the baby.  Still, what an awful experience.

I've been having strange symptoms since Feb. 10th, but the real pain started yesterday afternoon.  The timing of it all is interesting... Jonny had been having one of those overwhelming days (that many of us go through) where the kids were just tugging at every nerve.  He had said three times yesterday that he feels "done" having kids.  (This is a never ending conversation that we have and our thoughts change on a weekly basis.)  He was already feeling fried when we decided to go to Walmart with all four children.  I don't know why we thought that would be a good plan, but in the store we went- two grocery carts full of kids.  :)  As soon as we started dropping groceries into our basket I felt sharp, shooting pain up my lower abdomen.  However, I toughed it out and finished our shopping.  Then I went to the photo center to print out birth announcements to send to relatives.  That's when my pain started intensifying.  (I hope our relatives are very grateful for those announcements because I was in some major pain trying to get them done!)  On the way home, I couldn't even sit up straight in my seat.  Once we got home, I collapsed on the couch holding my right side.  Eli was crying, Noah was angry at something, Siah was walking around with a glass cup suctioned to his face, and Zeke was crying.  Poor Jonny had to take care of his whole family.  I went to the other room and could hear everyone falling apart as Jonny tried to meet everyone's needs.  I prayed that God wouldn't let me die because my family needed me.  :)  I called my mom and told her I couldn't move my right leg, and my right side and back were killing me.  She instructed me to call neighbor Nona immediately and go to the ER.  I did.  It was about 5:30pm.  Eli was in tears when I left, he said, "The HOSPITAL!?"  Poor boy.  I am SO, SO, SO thankful God has given us such great neighbors who have become dear friends to our family.  Jonny always says that God knew we needed them and they needed us.

I was in excruciating pain.  And I'm familiar with pain.  I've delivered four good sized boys without any medication, and this was way worse.  Nona was so sweet.  She wheeled me into the ER in a wheelchair and rubbed my back as I crouched over whimpering.  I told the registration lady that I thought maybe my appendix was rupturing and they needed to hurry and fix me because I have four children and my baby was going to be hungry soon.  I was so worried about Zeke.  Anyway, they finally got me into a room and gave me some medication that was wonderful.  I'm talking about complete pain elimination.  Amazing!  Praise God we live in a place that has doctors and hospitals and amazing medications!  After Jonny got the boys to bed, he and Nona traded places.  It was a little after 7pm when Jonny walked in with crying Baby Zeke.  :(  Praise the Lord, again, for medicine that is okay for breastfeeding mothers.  He was so hungry!

A little later I went in for a CT scan that confirmed I did have a kidney stone 7mm long!  It had traveled down most of my ureter and was 3cm from my bladder.  Yikes.  At first they said they couldn't send me home with any oral medication that was safe for breastfeeding mothers.  He asked if my baby was familiar with bottles.  NO!!!  I've always breastfed exclusively and LOVE it.  I didn't want to stop nursing!  I didn't even think he'd take a bottle.  BUT GOD... He is so, so good.  The doctor spoke with some other doctors after seeing how devastated I was about the no-nursing option and they found an oral pain medication that was safe to take.  Thank you, thank you, thank you, Jesus!  So that's where I am now.  We haven't contacted the urologist yet because it was so close to my bladder, which means close to passing.  We'll see how the next day or two go.  *Big sigh*

What a mind and thought provoking experience this all was, though.

First of all, when I'm in so much pain its funny how the trivial things that I waste my time thinking about all fade.  The only things that mattered when I was feeling so, so, so terrible was Jonny, Eli, Noah, Siah & Zeke.  My precious family.  And once I felt better and was able to contact a few people, I was so thankful for such wonderful friends and family. 

Second:  Since I didn't have my own room, just a private curtain, we could hear everything around us.  A lady screaming and crying because of a cracked pelvic bone, a baby screaming, a lady hacking and coughing from asthma complications due to a lifetime of smoking, a boy whose arm was run over by a car, and the lady right on the other side of me, all alone, suffering from some complications with her dialysis.  What a terrible awful world we live in with suffering all around us.  And we live where there are intelligent doctors and amazing medications.  What about those who live in poor countries?  Heart. Breaking.

Third:  *Another big sigh*  What about our family?  Is this a coincidence that this all happened the day Jonny was completely overwhelmed with kids?  Do we have that last baby like we've talked about?  I'm at risk for kidney stones and it can be much riskier while pregnant.  We've been tossing around the idea of (TRYING to) wait about 3 years and make a decision... The idea of never being able to hold another infant, my own infant, is terribly sad for me.  I don't necessarily want anyone to answer this for us (unless the Lord has given a word of knowledge or prophecy, of course) Its something that Jonny and I will have to come to a decision about through much prayer.  But we'd appreciate your prayers too!

Fourth: The lady that was next to us didn't have a ride home.  City transportation was driving her home.  We heard her say that she had one child- a son, listed as her next of kin.  Jonny whispered to me, "Where is he!?"  Its not right that a lady would be alone in the hospital when she has family.  I absolutely love having a houseful of boys, but one thing that I've considered about not having a girl is that I won't have that close friendship that most moms and daughters experience.  Usually caregivers are women, and it seems like daughters are the ones who take on that role for their parents before sons.  I don't want daughters-in-laws to feel that obligation if I ever needed help.  Jonny is SO sweet.  Today he sat Eli and Noah down for a serious talk.  He told them the story about the lady all alone in the hospital.  He told them what a widow is and that if I am ever in that position they are to STEP UP and take care of me.  (tears)  He told them they're going to be big, strong, godly men and that it is their responsibility to take care of me.  Oh, so sweet.  :)

Phew, what an emotional last 24 hours!  If you're healthy, thank GOD... its so wonderful to feel well!

Update on Zeke and life in general....

The first week after my labors I always have a rush of adrenalin.  I want to jump back into regular life, and its really hard for me to just sit when everything around me is carrying on as usual.  I know I will be behind on the "to do's" of keeping my home.  I want to play with my boys like usual.  So this time around, delivering a week before Christmas, I think my adrenalin was in over-drive with things I wanted to do before Christmas.  Then there's visitors.  Then there's after-Christmas clean up.  Then there's the emotional let down after Christmas.  Oh... and the emotional let down after birth??  Yeah, that too.  So about now, when Zeke is about to be two weeks old,- I've crashed.  Physically exhausted, emotionally exhausted, mentally exhausted, and spiritually dry.  Ugh.  Also, Zeke isn't gaining weight.  My milk is all messed up this time around... possibly due to stress and exhaustion.  We're trying to figure it out because I love nursing my babies, and I really don't want to have to supplement with formula.  

As far as life with four....  I don't really know yet.  I haven't been alone with them all for very long periods of time.  Although, I think this will be the hardest adjustment we've had.  The older two fight and the younger two are babies who need their mama.  AND we're all cooped up inside for at least the next three months.  Hopefully it will all sort out, and I'll be fully rested, recovered and ready to do a great job with each boy by the time Jonny goes back to work.  Thank God Jonny has a few weeks off!  And thank God we'll be starting the new year by doing NOTHING but being home with our boys. 

Oh, by the way, Zeke was given a full name on Christmas.  Jonah Zeke Oelkers.  :)  Although life is in transition right now, I can say that we all love little Zekers to pieces!!!

Sunday School & Fall crafts

We are doing things a little different this year in Children's Ministry.  One big thing is that we have a cool curriculum to follow- Gospel Light.  So far its been awesome!  Everything is all laid out for us, not to mention we even have a couple ladies going into church in the middle of the week to do all the lesson and craft/activity prep work.  Basically, I look over what I'm going to teach then just show up and teach it!  SO SO easy!  Its also lots of fun too!  I love the 4's & 5's  :)

Since the lessons are not left open to my own (limited) creativity this year, I get to save that tiny spark of creativity I have for doing crafts with the boys.  Here are a few things we've done
for fall:

We did some leaf tracing/coloring.

This is our fall tree- the "leaves" are clumps of play-dough.

This is a harvest wreath Noah and I made.

And these are our pumpkin faces!  The boys painted the plates and helped me (because we used a hot glue gun) glue the shapes on.

BUSY!

We have been so, so busy lately.  I think probably busier than we've ever been!  At least it feels that way.  The boys and are are always headed out to some outing- whether it be a Cascade activity, play date, birthday party, appointment, errands, Eli's soccer games on Saturdays (which Jonny is the coach of) or a random field trip of our own.  Jonny is crazy busy coaching Cross Country and being a leader at Young Life.  It seems there has been an unusual amount of meetings to attend this year, and then a few nights Jonny's stayed late just to catch up on his actual classroom job.  He's also the class advisor for the junior class this year, which means more meetings.  (The juniors are in charge of planning prom in the Spring.  Which means that after ten years, Jonny and I may be attending prom this year.  Strange!)  House churches are just starting up now too!  I don't necessarily see it, but several people have stopped Jonny at work asking if he's alright because he looks so worn out.  I guess there have been a few nights he's crashed way early for a 12-13hr night of sleep.  Thankfully, as November rolls in, I think we'll be headed for a slower season... just before #4 is born.  Ha!  Then maybe I'll be the one who looks sleep deprived!!  

No complaining here, though- just sharing what real life looks like.  I read this psalm to Eli last night and it was the perfect thing I needed to hear in our busy season:   

The LORD is my shepherd;
         I shall not want.
 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
         He leads me beside the still waters.
 He restores my soul;
         He leads me in the paths of righteousness
         For His name’s sake.        
 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
         I will fear no evil;
         For You are with me;
         Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. 
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
         You anoint my head with oil;
         My cup runs over.
 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
         All the days of my life;
         And I will dwell in the house of the LORD
         Forever.

We have made time to do some fun family things though, too- like go to the pumpkin patch!  Here's one picture of us at home with our pumpkins... we have LOTS more, but like I said, we're busy and I only have time to put up one right now.  :)

Oh, and GO BEAVS!