Here is a general layout of common personality traits found in each birth order:
*along with each typical trait, he gives examples of how depending on the person that trait can be a strength or weakness
Firstborn Typical Traits
- Leadership ability
- Aggressive
- Compliant
- Perfectionist
- Organized
- Driver
- List maker
- Logical
- Scholarly
- Confident, self-assured
- Perfectionist
- Organized
- Driver
- List maker
- Logical
- Scholarly
- Grew up feeling squeezed & rootless
- Reasonable expectations
- Social lion
- Independent thinker
- Compromising
- Diplomatic
- Secretive
- Charming
- People Oriented
- Tenacious
- Affectionate & engaging
- Uncomplicated
- Attention seeking
For example, Jonny is technically a lastborn; however it is possible that he could be, as Leman would say, a "functional firstborn." There are a few reasons 1) Both of Jonny's parents are firstborns, which would make it more likely that they would pass on firstborn qualities, depending on the way they ran their home. 2) The oldest sibling (a brother) Jonny was raised with is 7 yrs older. Leman claims that when there is more than a 5yr gap- this creates a "new family" within the family. 3) Jonny's next sibling (a sister) is 21mos older. Since she is a girl, she would be a firstborn girl. This would make Jonny a "functional" firstborn male. However, after reading this book, I think Jonny totally lines up with the typical traits of a lastborn. Definitely not a firstborn. Some of Jonny's more noticeable lastborn tendencies are: easy-going, laid back, indulgent, unorganized, procrastinator, people person, lovable, goofy & spontaneous.
If anyone has guessed by now, that is almost completely opposite of firstborn Jessie! Some of my more noticeable firstborn tendencies are: conscientious, sensitive, goal oriented, picky, nurturer, rule follower, list maker, organized, serious & a planner. Leman claims, though, that the best way to marry is out of your birth order; in fact, he claims that the couples who do best together are firstborns paired with lastborns. Ha! I guess Jonny and I are a perfect couple.... NOT! Leman dedicates a whole chapter to the topic, its titled Birth Order Marriages Aren't Made in Heaven. I like how he ends the section, "No matter what your birth order and that of your spouse, what counts is how you use your particular strengths and how you modify or deal with your particular weaknesses. Knowing your own birth order characteristics and those of your mate is just one step toward learning how to get along and have a happy life together." I laughed so much reading about the birth orders with me and Jonny in mind. We fit the profiles so well, and we concluded that we are pretty good for each other. He helps me to ease up a bit when I'm uptight. I help him realize that being clean and organized is a good thing! :)
Leman spends the last half of the book discussing different family types and ways of parenting your different birth orders in order to maximize each child's particular strengths. For example, alone time is great for middle children. My mom has been telling us for awhile now how dates with Noah would probably be a great idea. Last night, Noah stayed up later than his brothers and had Jonny and my complete and undivided attention. He LOVED it!
There was one point my friend made that I think is worth mentioning. She was a bit offended by the book and Leman's assertion that each birthorder has these typical weaknesses. She thought that as a Christian man, he should have taken into account more of God's grace sovereignty in our lives. After all, He makes us a new creation right? We are no longer dead to sin, but alive in Him. Our old, fleshly habits are erased and pushed as far as the east is the west. I agree with my friend, and appreciated this quote of Leman's, "Birth order is never a final determinant of anything, only an indicator of problems and tensions that you may discover or create for yourselves."
All in all, I would say it was a good read! Oh, one more little interesting fact: most US presidents- firstborns. Most of the well-known comedians- lastborns!
