When the Devil's Eyelashes keep deflating your spirit

One month, three weeks, four days and eleven hours since our feet planted here in Prineville... and life is hard.  As Jonny said the other night, "Life has not been as hard or overwhelming as it is now."  Which, on one hand is a BLESSING because we know life could be much much much, oh so much worse!  Still, its rough.  We aren't meeting our standard in almost every area of life: marriage, parenting, quiet time, work (Jonny's classroom and mine!), household, finances, etc.  

So... this morning I found myself feeling like a bike tire.  It would make more sense if you knew the bike tire situation over here, in these desert parts of Oregon.  Our bike tires cannot seem to avoid these nasty poky weeds that Rory & Lindsey call "goatheads.".  Wiki says, "It can thrive even in desert climates and poor soil. Like many weedy species, this plant has many common names.... devil's eyelashes, devil's thorn, devil's weed,... or goathead."  It reads on, "thumbtack-like nutlets are a hazard to bicycle tires."  Yeah, so our tires keep going flat!  And if one punctures the skin of your foot!  Oh my gracious!!!  Devil's Eyelashes are a perfect name for them!

Back to my realization this morning- I'm like a flat bike tire who has been bitten by the devil's eyelashes!  lol  When I feel those sad, homesick feelings like I don't belong here, I get deflated, so-to-speak.  Then I get my face in God's word which is like this green goo (tire sealant) we put in the tires.  The tires are then healed!  Funny though, they seem to heal better as you use them right after putting the goo in.  However, in my case, after lots of 'use' I get deflated again.  Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.  
 

This morning I read this from a Billy Graham devo:  "May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word." -2Thess. 2:16-17.  (Did you hear that!?  ETERNAL encouragement!!)
 

He went on to quote someone who was going through intense sorrow (puts mine into perspective)  :  "In a time like this, there are three courses open to man:  He may give way to despair and become bitter.  He may endeavor to drown his sorrow in drink or in a life of wickedness.  Or he may turn to God."
 

Ack!  I don't want to give way to despair and become bitter!!!  Praying the Comforter will be the sealant (goo) to my heart and give me courage to face the heartache without the ugliness.  In studying Daniel, Beth Moore was saying that in times of trial we should make it our aim to persevere through trials with resolve like Daniel and his three buddies.  When Daniel's three friends were rescued from the fiery furnace, they came out not even smelling like smoke.  I want that!  I'm afraid I already have a smidge of smokiness lingering on me.  Grateful God's mercies are new every morning!  I want to work through these homesick feelings (which I'm thinking are normal and okay) without getting ugly- without smelling like smoke AND without being deflated by so many darn goatheads!!

Interview with a Second Generation Homeschooler

I liked reading this.  :)

http://suzyhomeschooler.wordpress.com/2013/10/01/interview-with-a-second-generation-homeschooler-1/

Oh, Eli...

So Eli is in this weird boy phase of what I like to call "maker of annoying noise".  Drumming on things, hooting, hollering, squawking, mouth farting, burping - oh how I HATE the burping!  Honestly, I've been a bit annoyed with him lately.  I've been wondering what will come next as he turns seven... more burping?  More annoying high pitched singing from the back of the van?  More weird screech talking? 

But today, today I was so proud of my son.  Yeah, he's going through odd stages.  But he is also doing some incredible growth.  He is becoming an amazing athlete. Finally, the years of chasing toddler Eli make sense!  His energy was balled up inside waiting to be targeted in the right direction.  

Today Eli's team participated in a single elimination soccer tournament.  They played four games today and won them all.  Champs!  Eli scored 10+ goals.  He was awesome.  I couldn't believe it.  God has given him an incredible athletic gift.  Hard foot prints for younger brothers to follow in, but God's plan is good and I can't wait to watch and see the giftings God has given to each of my boys.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1jVrbUQPgE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LhsSTLn-Xo

After our first week in Prineville

***Its actually now been two weeks, but I wrote this after one week here***

Today marked one week being here, and the last week feels like a weird blur.  I kept saying I felt like I was walking around in dreamland-- still shocked this is actually reality.  It is absolute craziness to unpack and try to put a house together with four little boys .... especially in the heat (we were so spoiled by AC in our Albany house).  I've been feeling like we've been on a trip more than this is home.  


I like the layout of this house but there are quite a few things I miss about our Albany house. I can probably list ten or so annoying things about this place but I'll try not to make this post negative!  ;)  Just for fun though, here's one-This house doesn't have a screen door for the kitchen slider (our landlord will replace it) and its HOT so we open it up in the mornings... so of course FLIES invade our house.  We've even had three bee stings!  I keep thinking of a precious friend and their calling to be missionaries in Kenya.  I think: Okay, if Autumn is going to Kenya, surely I can put my house together in PRINEVILLE while enduring moderate heat, swarming flies and bee stings!  ;)  


The boys are adjusting alright.  Zekey has been asking for neighbor Nona... which breaks my heart.  The other morning Siah asked me "when we go back to our REAL house so we can play with Poole Boys?" ... which caused that lump of sadness in my throat to swell up again.  Noah says he hates Prineville water (it tastes a little funny & no fluoride!) ... that just made me laugh. We had a grumpy neighbor across the street YELL at Eli for scooter-ing in his driveway... made my Mama Bear blood boil!  Those are just little things- all in all they're really carrying on fine... life as usual.

I went to a bible study the other night- Beth Moore (love her!). The ladies were nice, its just weird being the stranger. I think it will be a really good study & I think perfect timing for me. We're studying Daniel & in the intro Beth said: "I didn't expect Daniel to become one of the most effective antidotes I've ever taken for fear. It shows God in control absolutely sovereign never shaken and nothing can deter his plan for the ages." Sounds a bit perfect for me. I want to make the best of this & live life to the fullest for God's glory but at the same time there are moments were I'm frozen in sadness and doubt.  

The people we've met are nice... definitely a small town.  Our neighbor is a teacher Jonny works with.  The nurse at the family practice is the mom of a boy on our soccer team.  It really does feel like everyone knows everyone... or at least knows someone you know.  The Vice Principal & Athletic Director at the high school go to Calvary.  The principal is a believer also but she lives in Redmond.  I've run into people I "know" at the grocery store, park... stoplight  :)  I met up with a nice homeschool mom today (At Starbucks! There is a Starbucks!) who seems to know everyone in town.  Seriously!  She's super nice and we're going to join a Prineville homeschool group that meets twice a month to do science crafts & experiments as we go through an Apologia Astronomy textbook.  


Anyway, I'm trying to keep my overwhelmed and grieving eyes on the Lord and be persistent in prayer.  These verses come to mind:

^"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thes. 5:16-18

 "And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope."  Romans 5:3-4

Moving over the Cascade Range is fun for tots!

Okay, let me first say I was being as safe as someone drinking something or fiddling with the radio in the car.  My phone was safe on the center console- I just pushed the record button.   I thought these were just too cute not to share.  :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkx6aqDU0bM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LR9H1skW4mE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PjRSAnq2iA0

Oh, Noah!

I want to remember his 5yr old quirky cuteness forever!

I love him :)

Today was a fun day

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_wcr8qlmNg

Journey to Prineville- Part 3

The move:  We are moving in 24 days.  It is hard to hear myself or others say that.  I have to swallow down a big gulp of sadness before I can answer questions.  However, God has been faithful! He has gone before us and things are falling into place!  

We got renters for our house without posting anything online.  While standing in line to get Eli & Noah from their classrooms at church, Jonny overheard someone talking about needing a rental in Albany. Jonny introduced himself and briefly told him about our house.  He said, "Its pretty set up for kids because we have four boys."  The man replied, "We have four boys also!"  They're moving in on the 25th.

Pastor Rob asked Jonny to share his testimony and story of moving with the men of the church last Monday.  I snuck out of the Women's Study to listen.  I love my husband.  He shared icky, sinful stuff for the glory of God.  To show that Jesus makes all things new.  That as a freshman in college, Jonny became a new creation.  And is still being renewed and transformed.  Surprise, surprise- I cried.

The same sort of stuff is working out for the house we're going to rent.  The rental market in Prineville in July/Aug is SLIM PICKIN's.  Our friends asked their friends if anyone knew of a rental in town for a family of six.   Low and behold, something came up!  And here's where I see a bit of God's humor in it.  The house is on Blackbear St.  Blackbear!  Like the restaurant where this whole thing started! And the house number- oh, its 524.  Like Ephes. 5:24!  Oh my gracious!  HAHA, Lord, that was a funny one!  

Everyone keeps saying, "How exciting!  It'll be an adventure!"  

I respond with, "I have four boys.  Every day is an adventure.  I don't need more adventure!"  

But it looks like God thinks this planner, organized, don't-like-change kind of chick needs more adventure in her life.  Maybe I should go buy me some adventure boots!  

God is good all the time and my life events ARE NOT by chance!  Neither are my children's.  Neither are yours!  :)

Journey to Prineville- Part 2

The next eight months:  The months following the Blackbear meeting were filled with lots of praying, talking, crying (me!), praying, talking, crying, praying, talking, crying.  I felt so sad at the thought of leaving the place where I've spent my entire adult life.  The place where I became a wife and mother.  The longest I've ever lived anywhere.  Our church.  Our homeschool group.  Our neighbors.  => our community and support!!!  There are SO many people I love and so many reasons why I love raising my kids here.  

During this time, I spent most of my quiet times in the book of Psalms.  I've read Pslams before, but its funny how things jump out at you in a different way when you're going through a trial.  There is SO much on trusting God!!  One particular "on my knees" sort of day, I was crying and pouring my heart out to the Lord.  I was telling Him how scared I was and how I couldn't do it.  Jonny had been pressing me about being willing and open.  It was so hard to just open my hand, my life and do a "trust fall"- if you know what I mean.  I told Him I needed help.  I needed Him to hold me by the hand- the way I did to my boys when they were learning how to walk.  A little later, I read:  "The steps of the godly are directed by the LORD.  He delights in every detail of their lives.  Though they stumble, they will not fall, for the LORD holds them by the hand."  SO GOOD!  Exactly what I needed!  So thankful for His word!  

I was also struggling with the Ephes. 5:24 verse about wives submitting to their husbands as the leaders of their home.  My husband felt like God had told him something, and he wanted to lead us in what he thought God told him, but I was really struggling with it. 

The decision:  The job did post in the middle of May.  I decided to let Jonny handle it.  He gets to decide.  Ephes. 5:24 is hard!  BUT- For the glory of God.  I had explained and explained and explained why I didn't want to move... however, its not my husband's personality to "not budge" when I feel so freaked out about something.  He truly felt very fervently that God was leading us to Prineville.  I was on my way to the "trust fall"... but believe me- it was NOT pretty!  

Jonny applied and was called for an interview. Right after the lady spoke with me to schedule Jonny's interview, I took a deep breath and ran to my bible.  I opened to Psalms 115.  In verses 9-11 it reads: "Trust the LORD!  He is your helper; He is your shield."  Not just once, but THREE times! Next to this verse was the date May 6, 2009.  Below that read:  "help with our future... moving?"  That was my handwriting four years ago when we were praying about moving to Wyoming!  

Two days after his interview we were headed to Lake Tahoe for my sisters wedding.  Talk about a STRESS filled TENSE car ride!  Jonny was told they would call by the end of the week.  By Friday morning we still hadn't heard anything and no references had been called.  Jonny was BUMMED.  He thought he didn't get it, and he was telling me to be happy.  I felt so bad for him but was bracing myself for a call.  I told him I wasn't going to assume anything until 5pm Friday night.  Sure enough, at 3:30pm, (TWO HOURS before my sister's wedding rehearsal!) the principal called and offered Jonny the job.  Luckily, the rehearsal was outside with the sun setting, so I could wear sunglasses to hide my red, puffy eyes.  But the strangest thing happened.  When we went to the dinner after the rehearsal, I wasn't thinking about everything.  God allowed me to block everything and enjoy and celebrate with my family.  It was a sweet, sweet time for my whole family!!

The tears did come... oh it was a down-pour!  On the 9hr drive home, I cried pretty much the entire way.  I was SO sad.  Monday morning Jonny called Crook Country School District to accept the job.  I have never felt grief like I felt it the first two weeks of June.  It was awful.  Like a permanent ache in my soul that rudely awoke me in the middle of the night and first thing in the morning.  Weeping throughout the day.  I lost all desire and motivation to pour into my kids.  There was constantly a lump in my throat.  I cried SO much.  The heavyness lifted some, it turned to numbness at times, confusion at other times, and even shock.... its still been painful.  Its been ugly.  But God is working in it for both of us.  A refiners fire sort of process for us each personally and for our marriage. 

Journey to Prineville- Part 1

So... if you haven't heard... we're moving to Prineville, OR!  

It's a long story, but I'll go ahead and start: 

Background:  Over the last few years as Jonny has been commuting the 20+ miles to work in Turner, while we've been living in Albany and fellowshipping 20+ miles away in Corvallis, Jonny has felt that we're too stretched.  Our monthly gas bill is outrageous, we're super busy, and we don't have the man of the house home 2+ nights of the week.  Jonny wants our life to be more integrated.  He wants to be able to invite the students he ministers to- to church.  He wants to see families we're living near, working with and homeschooling with at our church.  Living life together in ONE community.  SO.... we've been praying for a job in Albany/Corvallis.  No open doors.  

Even further background:  Four years ago our dear friends were moving on, spreading their wings to pastor a Calvary Chapel.  They didn't know where, but knew it was God's timing.  Jonny felt that we were to go with them- wherever that would be.  They almost moved to Wyoming to start a Calvary, and Jonny was even offered a job there, but it didn't end up happening.  Our friends ended up taking over the Calvary Chapel in Prineville. We've stayed in touch with our friends in Prineville and have gone to visit them- usually a couple times a year.  Every time we've gone, Jonny has mentioned that maybe the Lord would have us move there.  I've always shook my head at the idea- not liking how different Prineville is from the Willamette Valley and enjoying the community we've sunk our roots down into.  Prineville is high desert area, a small city of 9,000.  Very different from green, lushious Albany/Corvallis- college town(s) in the heart of the Willamette Valley. 

Divine appointment:  Last Oct. we were praying a lot about the issue of being spread out in three communities and that God would open doors for us.  Jonny went to Redmond to attend a Driver's Ed Conference.  He took Eli with him to visit his buddy (our friend's son.) At the end of the conference, Jonny had some time to kill while waiting for our friends to bring Eli to him.  He went to lunch at his favorite restaurant, Black Bear.  (A restaurant we discovered together in high school and frequented a lot.)  He sat down and ordered his favorite- bacon cheeseburger with fries and cracked open his bible to Hebrews.  He read through Hebrews 2:2-4, " For if the word spoken through angels proved steadfast, and every transgression and disobedience received a just reward, how shall we escape if we neglect so great a salvation, which at the first began to be spoken by the Lord, and was confirmed to us by those who heard Him, God also bearing witness both with signs and wonders, with various miracles, and gifts of the Holy Spirit, according to His own will?"  Jonny made a note in the margin of his bible:  "God sometimes confrims things to be true by signs and wonders."  His burger arrived as he finished writing.  He turned to the side and began talking to the older gentleman next to him.  As it turns out, the man was a biology teacher at the high school in Prineville.  He told Jonny he was retiring in the spring and that nobody was in line to take his spot.  He laughed and told Jonny, "You should apply!"  Jonny left the restaurant shaking.  He called me and he said, "You're never going to believe what just happened!?"  Knowing he was in Prineville territory, I got very serious, and said, "WHAT!?!"  You ladies know my tone... the sassy tone that doesn't really want to hear what is about to be said. 

Excited!

The first three days of this week I attended a Parent Practicum with the homeschool organization we are part of- Classical Conversations.  It was incredible!  I feel encouraged and excited to educate my children and foster a desire to learn... and have some fun along the way!  What a joy and a honor to live life with my kids this way and grow in deeper relationship with them as we discover God's creation and love together.  :)

I can't even begin ... luckily the speaker (an ordinary mom) posted the things she went over:
http://mthopeacademy.blogspot.com/2013/07/notes-quotes-links-and-more-part-1.html

Our little Zeke!

Just a quick post about my sweet Zekey Bear.  This boy is so lovey-dovey!  He's a huge cuddler and will give me dozens of hugs every day! (unsolicited)  He gives loves to familiar faces and even, occasionally, to unfamiliar faces.  He's just a big love bug!!

Eli is by far one of Zekey's favorite people to hug!!

Even Zorro gets loves from Zekey!  Sometimes Zeke will just lay on the floor and call, "ZoZo!" until Zorro comes over and Zekey will hug him and giggle continuously.  :)

Check out some cute videos:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mROssgmk3YY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nb0g-kIowwI

Trying to stay in touch...

so here are some videos from the last month:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-NQKldUdF4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDf7GrGn84A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igyRfQ5sOyU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtEeJVrrcAw

Noah/Siah birthday bash!

Actually, we were planning a fun party at a park but we cancelled because of weather.  Then, like usual, it didn't rain when the forecast called for it!  BUT a few families went out to pizza after church with us instead.  A few families = a TON of kids!  So thankful for these two rascals, and I think I'll keep my birthday letters for them private.  :)

 

Last year in the 20's

***I'm going to attempt to do a little "catch up" on blog postings, so here we go...***

First of all, YES I turned 29- go ahead and gasp.  Most people are surprised to hear how young I am.  I'm the youngest of most all my friends, and I think the four kids thing makes people guess I'm about five years older... 

Anyway, last month I turned 29 and I did a little reflection time the morning I woke up.  It went something like this:

29, WOW, 29!  How strange.  My last year in the twenties.  Then its the thirties!  It seems like everyone is sad about their birthdays from 30 on up!  That's a WHOLE lot of life to be sad about!  I'm excited to turn 30!  

But, for now I'm 29.  I would have never guessed how hard and how wonderful my life would be on my 29th birthday.  Wait, I think my left side is wet- yep, some little munchkin who crawled into bed with us peed.  Lovely.  My right side is a little sweaty... that would be because another little munchkin was sleeping up against me, being my own personal little heater.  

Fast forward a little later to my shower.  It get's interrupted.  As usual.  Chubby little fingers grab ahold of the shower curtain, and a little white haired cutie-patootie pokes his head in as he says, "Mama!"  Love those moments.  

Fast forward an hour and I'm sitting around a breakfast table discussing life with wonderful, dear friends.  Treasure these moments being sharpened and encouraged by godly women.  

By lunch time I'm at a park having a picnic with my sweet family.  Eli is playing basketball like a little hotshot. Noah is riding his bike, laughing deliriously as he takes corners and picks up speed.  Siah close by my side, of course; cautious to even go down the slide.   Zeke happily swinging away in the baby swing, making funny faces.  

The afternoon was followed by a long nap and gardening out front with my neighbor mom.  Cherish that relationship!  Next it was on to prepping for boys birthday party, oh to be a mom!

What a great day.  SO many blessings.  Yet, there is something nagging in my soul.  In the back of my mind... and at the front of my mind- often in my speech, I was wrestling through this trial before us.  


(More on that to come)

Throughout the day I remembered Who was with me, Who has been with me the entire 29 years, Who knows my thoughts, my joys, my sorrows.  
"You know when I sit down or stand up.  You know my every thought when far away."  -Psalm 139:2

The faces that brighten my day

I have tons of videos from the last couple of months that I am just now sorting through.  Watching these was just what I needed.  Balm to my heavy heart. 

 

Mother's Day 2013 (a day late)

I always write about how I love being a mom, so I feel like there is nothing more to add to it... not today anyway.  I'm just taken aback at how blessed this "Mommy Journey" has been.  I have so many wonderful Mommy photos that I know I will always treasure, so this Mother's Day I'd like to remember how God has blessed me.  He is good and gives good gifts  :)

 

Mother's Day 2010

Napping on Mother's Day 2010... just a few hours before I went into labor with Siah. 

Very real and not-so-polished Mother's Day 2013 pic :)