We had another book club meeting last week. We read One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. What a gifted writer! Her style is so different. Modern, maybe? Its almost like reading someone's journal. She is very poetic. I read and re-read sentences because they were so exquisite.
She shares her journey of discovering God's plan for her to live a full life of passion, joy & contentment as she abandons ingratitude- what she asserts is the root of all sin. She starts a "gratitude journal", a list of simple little things she is thankful for. Truly thankful. She begins to discover how to live fully in each moment, being thankful for what is before her. As she numbers her gratitude- 1 to 1,000- she realizes that if she is thankful for one moment, if she sees God's grace in one moment, what does that mean about the next? Does God show his grace in the moment our kids smother us with loveys but not in the moment where they're speaking disrespectfully or fighting with each other? Is there nothing to be thankful for in those moments? Is God's grace not in those moments? Along the way of journaling and talking to God, Voskamp discovers that God sprinkles gifts in every moment of every day. She challenges us to start our own thankful list and open our eyes to God's never ending grace & mercies. To embark on a life that gives true thanks to God for everything.
One of her biggest discoveries was the "joy in the now".
"Daily discipline is the door to full freedom, and the discipline to count to one thousand gave way to the freedom of wonder and I can't imagine not staying awake to God in the moment, the joy in the now."
This part rang so true with me. I'm always in a hurry. I'm always planning, list making, thinking ahead... wanting more time. I loved what she said about feeling that way:
"Time is a relentless river. It rages on, a respecter of no one. And this, this is the only way to slow time: When I fully enter time's swift current, enter into the current moment with the weight of all my attention, I slow the torrent with the weight of me all here. I can slow the torrent by being all here. I only live the full life when I live fully in the moment."
I love to plan, but hate to be swallowed up by schedules. I don't want the business to consume me. On top of everything else he's doing, Jonny was asked to be the worship leader for a youth group in Aumsville. We're praying about it. My April calendar is already full- every weekend. May is probably about the same- lots of birthday parties. I have a To Do List to wazoo... All the while dealing with the busiest thing of all- kids who have constant needs. Deep breath. One task at a time. One need at a time. One visit, one event, one person, one moment at a time AND not to forget the One who gives me my breath for each moment.
"The busyness of your life leaving little room for the source of your life." -Ann Voskamp
Showing posts with label books. Show all posts
Showing posts with label books. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours
My book club group met again on Tuesday. This time around the book that was chosen was called Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours by Dr. Keven Leman. (He's the guy who also wrote The Birth Order Book.) I didn't finish the book. I really wasn't into reading another parenting book; in fact, its due back at the library tomorrow and I'm not sure I'm going to renew it. I know I'll read parenting books in the future, but I'm just not in the mood right now. Everyone has different ideas and suggestions, and I feel like we're doing alright. I definitely don't feel like we've got the parenting thing down pat, by any means. I'm open to learning, just not right now- not on this topic. I'm not desperate to solve any problem or fix any attitude. And when I do feel desperate, I'll pray. :) And I'll probable revisit this book again at a later time.
However, if you're interested in actually knowing what the book is about... He's big on what he calls "reality discipline." For example, if your eight year old forgets his shorts for soccer practice, he will learn through reality (how uncomfortable it is to wear jeans to soccer practice) not to do that again. He tells parents not to fix their children's problems, and to let them fail (age appropriately and safely). If they brake someone else's toy- they should pay for it. That kind of thing. Also he emphasises the importance of letting kids make their own choices to learn responsibility, but within the umbrella of Mom & Dad's authority. He talks about God establishing an order on earth and that parents are given authority over their children, and are ultimately in charge. He refers to Ephes. 6:1-3, and within the idea of obedience talks about how important relationships are, compared to rules. Leman says that "rules before relationship leads to rebellion." He also thinks that "the rod" in the bible is the most frequently misunderstood passage. Interesting stuff, but my brain is mush right now.... I'll pick it up later. :)
However, if you're interested in actually knowing what the book is about... He's big on what he calls "reality discipline." For example, if your eight year old forgets his shorts for soccer practice, he will learn through reality (how uncomfortable it is to wear jeans to soccer practice) not to do that again. He tells parents not to fix their children's problems, and to let them fail (age appropriately and safely). If they brake someone else's toy- they should pay for it. That kind of thing. Also he emphasises the importance of letting kids make their own choices to learn responsibility, but within the umbrella of Mom & Dad's authority. He talks about God establishing an order on earth and that parents are given authority over their children, and are ultimately in charge. He refers to Ephes. 6:1-3, and within the idea of obedience talks about how important relationships are, compared to rules. Leman says that "rules before relationship leads to rebellion." He also thinks that "the rod" in the bible is the most frequently misunderstood passage. Interesting stuff, but my brain is mush right now.... I'll pick it up later. :)
Friday, February 3, 2012
Susanna Wesley
I read this book (Susanna Wesley by Sandy Dengler) right after Zeke was born but forgot to make a post about it. It was a quick read about the life of Susanna Wesley, John Wesley's mother. John Wesley, along with his brother Charles, are known for founding the Methodist movement. He was an open-air preacher and encouraged people that they could experience Jesus personally. Susanna's life was not a very happy one. In fact, I thought it was quite horrible. However, what I liked about her life was that Susanna consistently and fervently loved God, studied His word, and raised her children in the Lord. She was an extremely hard worker and very routine about her day. The book is not a detailed autobiography of the Wesley life, but more like a detailed timeline. The back of the book summaries the story like this:
" Susanna Annesley, born in seventeenth-century England, was the last of twenty-five children. She was exceptionally bright, and beautiful, with an insatiable love for reading. By thirteen, she could read Greek and Hebrew, was well versed in Scripture, and had already formed strong political and theological views. She eventually married Samuel Wesley, a loving , strong-willed rector in the Church of England. but her life with Sam was turbulent and frequently unhappy. Susanna Wesley knew what it was to suffer trials.
An impoverished life in hostile towns, the loss of nine of her nineteen children, frequent illnesses, cruel torment from zealous Whigs, and a spendthrift husband who nurtured his dreams more than his family, were not enough, however, to squelch Susanna's spirit. She continued to teach her children to honor God and obey His Word.
Then, nearing the end of her earthly life, she made a wonderful, awesome discovery."
" Susanna Annesley, born in seventeenth-century England, was the last of twenty-five children. She was exceptionally bright, and beautiful, with an insatiable love for reading. By thirteen, she could read Greek and Hebrew, was well versed in Scripture, and had already formed strong political and theological views. She eventually married Samuel Wesley, a loving , strong-willed rector in the Church of England. but her life with Sam was turbulent and frequently unhappy. Susanna Wesley knew what it was to suffer trials.
An impoverished life in hostile towns, the loss of nine of her nineteen children, frequent illnesses, cruel torment from zealous Whigs, and a spendthrift husband who nurtured his dreams more than his family, were not enough, however, to squelch Susanna's spirit. She continued to teach her children to honor God and obey His Word.
Then, nearing the end of her earthly life, she made a wonderful, awesome discovery."
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Bringing up Boys: Part Two
Aye yi yi, yi yi! I'm glad to be done with this book. I've been done for a week, but haven't really wanted to write any more on it. However, since I told myself I would, I'd feel like a slacker if I didn't.
I can't say that I loved the way it was written, nor that I feel super encouraged and inspired to press on in my journey of parenting four boys. BUT I'm still glad I read it. There was some useful information and reminders. The world is just a hard place to grow up in. We are sinful people. Our children are sinful. Without the hope, comfort and joy that comes from Jesus, life could be extremely depressing! It's no wonder His story is called the Good News!
Here are a few things I found worth mentioning:
- Children are going to disappoint their parents.
- This sounds harsh, but if we remember this reality that we will be embarrassed, they will misbehave in front of other people, they will do that thing you told them NOT TO DO, it won't be as frustrating. Its an inevitable part of being young and learning the ropes of appropriate behavior. (Plus, my own little thought, don't we adults still screw up and disappoint each other?) This was a good reminder for me to consider. I'm so tolerant and patient with Siah as he learns not to grab dishes out of the dishwasher or trash of of the garbage can, but for some reason I'm not always so tolerant and patient with Eli or Noah when they need to be reminded of house rules.
- Boys are competitive!
- I was a pretty competitive girl, but these boys I have (especially our first one) are extremely competitive. Eli especially can make a competition out of anything- how fast you can eat your lunch, how much food you can eat, who is the first in the door, who can get dressed the fastest, who can kick the ball the highest, who can paint the nicest picture, who can buckle their seat belts the fastest, etc, etc, etc. It really drives me crazy! And poor Noah looses most of these challenges just because he's younger and smaller! It's no wonder he has trouble controlling those frustrating emotions- he's brother has beat him to the punch his entire life! Not to mention, Eli not only happens to have an extra 20 1/2 mos. on Noah, but he happens to be ahead of his own age group athletically, academically and socially... he's just good at a lot of things, which is very hard to compete with.
- I didn't really like how Dobson was encouraging parents to use this excitement for competition to the advantage of parenting. For example, if your son doesn't want to eat his peas, make it a competition who will eat them all first. Even in school, he suggests that boys need more competition in order to excel. The thing I don't like about that is that what if your son never wins? There's always going to be a winner and a loser. What if your son happens to be the loser? In Noah's case, I feel like it would crush his spirit just being "average".
- One thing he made a point to mention, and is something we are already working on, is that we should teach our children how to win and loose gracefully. They need to learn good sportsmanship, self control and teamwork.
- Also, sports are a great outlet for boys' competitive impulses. It provides a source for masculine identity and personal pride and achievement.
- Boys are growing up with double standards.
- Schools used to be thought of as more accommodating for boys, so all kinds of money went into establishing programs that 'caught' girls up with boys in science and math. No programs, however, have tried to catch boys up to girls in writing and literature.
- Its outrageous for a man to insult a woman, but its funny and acceptable for a woman to insult a man. A man's disrespectful comment to a woman is turned into a lawsuit, where a woman's disrespectful comment to a man is turned into a hallmark card.
- Boys are growing up in an evil world!
- Foul jokes, music, movies, and language is considered "innocent fun" or "good humor".
- There are innumerable voices in the world enticing kids to do what is wrong.
- Morals are relative.
- God's Word is not the measured standard of right and wrong.
- Society has become more sexualized, more violent and more cruel.
- Pornography is way, way, way too easily accessible.
- Parents need to work harder than ever to build satisfying and affirming relationships with their kids.
- Rules without relationship lead to rebellion.
- Establishing friendships while maintaining parental authority and respect can be done!
- Interactions are more important than toys or special events.
- We need to talk to our kids and KNOW them!
- Everything must be bathed in prayer!
- We need divine help!
Saturday, November 12, 2011
The Help
Oh. My. Goodness. I love a good book. I finished reading The Help, by Kathryn Stockett, last night. Yes, all 522 pages in a week! It was that good. If you haven't read it, read it! Its our current book club book, and we met on Tuesday to talk about the first half, but some of the ladies were already done and those of us who weren't were close to finishing. I don't want to ruin it for anyone, so I won't talk about it much... Other than to tell you what its about. Upon hearing the words, The Help- I thought it was a christian book about the Holy Spirit. (You know, because He is referred to as our Counselor and Helper.) But no. Its about the help people hire to work in their homes... like in the 1960's. It takes place in Jackson Mississippi; a story about the daily struggles and joys of being a black maid for white people. Man, it was so horrible back then. Its appalling to think of human beings treating other human beings so cruel. My mom was born in 1960, so it was interesting to relate what was going on in our country with the thought of my mom entering the world in the midst of it all (even though she was born in CA, which was a little different than MS). Goodness! Its also interesting to think about what the culture was like and how things were done while keeping in mind those people I know who were born even earlier than the 1960's. It makes a little more sense why some people have certain opinions or feelings or awkwardness about racial issues.
Anyway, I couldn't put it down. It has consumed my life for the last 7 days. It made me laugh and cry. It made me happy, angry and sad. I was dreaming about it, reading it first thing in the morning and falling asleep reading it at night. I felt a little guilty... I should crave God's Word like that... Anyway, after I finish Bringing Up Boys (which was totally interrupted by The Help) I'm taking a break from reading books until after the baby is born. I have such a huge To Do List before Baby comes, and its too much for me to commit to another book right now.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Bringing Up Boys
Did you know we're bring up boys over here? Yeah, its true! In fact, our fourth one is on the way! Go ahead and get it out- now is where we usually hear, "Oh no!" or a sarcastic "Good luck!" Well, whatever the reaction is- YES, God is blessing us with yet another boy, so when I heard of the book Bringing Up Boys it was an obvious must read.
Last night Jonny and I were talking about our disappointment in James Dobson's lack of scripture to support some of his moral claims (which we mostly agree with) in the book, but other than that, its been pretty good. A little frightening, but good.
I'm only half way through, but I wanted to write some of what I'm learning, as it helps me process and remember. He starts the book off discussing the obvious differences between boys and girls.
"Boys are usually (but not always) tougher to raise than their sisters are. Girls can be difficult to handle too, but there is something especially challenging about boys. Although individual temperaments vary, boys are designed to be more assertive, audacious, and excitable than girls are. Psychologist John Rosemond calls them "little aggressive machines." One father referred to his son as 'all afterburner and no rudder.' "
These differences fascinate me because they are biological. Take for example, the hormones testosterone, serotonin and the portion of the brain called the amygdala. Serotonin pacifies or calms emotions to help individuals control impulsive behavior, and guess what- females typically have higher levels than males!!! Now what about testosterone? We all know males have more testosterone than females. There are direct correlations between the level of testosterone in one's body and their behavior. Studies have been done on inmates, blue & white color workers, athletes and young children. The results are intriguing!
"Most experts believe boys' tendency to take risks, to be more assertive, to fight and compete, to argue, to boast, and to excel at certain skills, such as problem solving, math, and science, is directly linked to the way the brain is hardwired and to the presence of testosterone. This may explain why boys have 'ants in their pants' when they are in the classroom and why teacher call them little 'wiggly worms.' The problem is that boys are often taught at such a tempo that it becomes difficult for them to adjust. Testosterone also accounts for boys' early desire to be the strongest, bravest, toughest, rootin-shootin hombre' on the range. Its just the way God made them."
"If testosterone is the gasoline that powers the brain, serotonin slows the speed and helps one steer." Yikes! That sounds scary and dangerous knowing now that boys have these high levels of go-go-go and not so much of the watch where you're going!!
I was a little wary to read any more biological evidence that boys are just plain crazy, but I did... I read about the amygdala. Its at the base of the brain, in the middle of the hypothalamus and is in charge of signaling other glands into action when a threat or challenge is perceived. "It emits and 'irrational' chemical and electrical response that may save your life in an emergency- but it can also precipitate violence and make matters much worse." Well, fitting with everything else we've been reading... that amygdala is larger in males than in females!
If all that isn't bad enough, I read this:
"Boys, when compared to girls, are six times more likely to have learning disabilities, three times more likely to be registered drug addicts, and four times more likely to be diagnosed as emotionally disturbed. They are at greater risk for schizophrenia, autism, sexual addiction, alcoholism, bed wetting,and all forms of antisocial and criminal behavior. They are twelve times more likely to murder someone, and their rate of death in car accidents is greater by 50 percent. Seventy-seven percent of delinquency-related court cases involve males."
Ahhhhh!!! How discouraging! There was much more, but I won't share any more of those dreadful statistics. I felt a little better after reading this:
"How about it then? Is masculinity good or bad? Right or wrong? Are boys biologically defective? At first blush, it would appear that girls have all the right stuff . On average, they make fewer mistakes, take fewer risks, are better students, are more thoughtful of others, and are less impulsive than boys. Was testosterone one of God's great mistakes? ....... As we have seen, some of them [feminists and other social liberals] are trying to reprogram boys to make them less competitive, less aggressive, and more sensitive. Is that a good idea? Most certainly not. First, because it contradicts masculine nature and will never succeed, and second, because the sexes were carefully designed by the Creator to balance on another's weaknesses and meet one another's needs. Their differences didn't result from an evolutionary error, as it is commonly assumed today. Each sex has a unique purpose in the great scheme of things."
He then spends some time discussing the critical importance of both mother and father in boys' lives and how they can drastically shape and impact their sons by their involvement, guidance and modeling. Most people agree that a mother's care is crucial to a child's life, but Dobson asserts that there is also an urgent importance for fathers to 'be there' for their sons.
"Identification with him [dad] is a far more efficient teacher than lecturing, scolding, punishing, bribing, and cajoling. Boys watch their dads intently, noting every minor detail of behavior and values."
Dobson encourages the importance of mothers to be at home (if they can). That means morning time, after school, dinner time and bedtime. Also, especially for boys who only have brothers, moms are especially important in showing boys what women are like and how to treat women.
Dobson continued to drive home the point of guidance and involvement:
"Because boys are more likely to get off-course when they are not guided and supervised carefully. .... They founder in chaotic, unsupervised, and undisciplined circumstances. Boys are like automobiles that need a driver at the steering wheel every moment of the journey, gently turning a half inch here and a quarter inch there. They will need this guidance for at least sixteen or eighteen years, or even longer. When left to their own devices, they tend to drift toward the center divider or into the ditch, toward misbehavior or danger. yet nearly half (49%) of all school-age children in America do not come home to a parent in the afternoon- they are either alone or in the care of someone other than Mom or Dad. It is an invitation to mischief or disaster for rambunctious males, and the older they get, the more opportunities they have to get into trouble."
Phew! That was a lot! I was sorta getting discouraged by all this stuff, but I know that God is ultimately in control and will, in one way or another, straighten out our mistakes or our boys' mistakes in order to shape our boys into the men He wants them to be. In the mean time, I'm going to take it one day at a time because after what I've read, this job of parenting FOUR BOYS seems overwhelming. At least now some of you will know that if I forget to call, don't bring our entire family into your house, rarely travel past county limits, seem stressed out or am falling asleep in the middle of a conversation- its not you, its my job.... we're bringing up boys over here! :)
For the rest of the book I think he'll be touching on the topics of discipline, single parents, competition, boys in school, becoming men and how to give space while staying close. Okay, so I'm packing these tools and info in my mommy tool belt! And praying, praying, praying for my precious boys!
Last night Jonny and I were talking about our disappointment in James Dobson's lack of scripture to support some of his moral claims (which we mostly agree with) in the book, but other than that, its been pretty good. A little frightening, but good.
I'm only half way through, but I wanted to write some of what I'm learning, as it helps me process and remember. He starts the book off discussing the obvious differences between boys and girls.
"Boys are usually (but not always) tougher to raise than their sisters are. Girls can be difficult to handle too, but there is something especially challenging about boys. Although individual temperaments vary, boys are designed to be more assertive, audacious, and excitable than girls are. Psychologist John Rosemond calls them "little aggressive machines." One father referred to his son as 'all afterburner and no rudder.' "
These differences fascinate me because they are biological. Take for example, the hormones testosterone, serotonin and the portion of the brain called the amygdala. Serotonin pacifies or calms emotions to help individuals control impulsive behavior, and guess what- females typically have higher levels than males!!! Now what about testosterone? We all know males have more testosterone than females. There are direct correlations between the level of testosterone in one's body and their behavior. Studies have been done on inmates, blue & white color workers, athletes and young children. The results are intriguing!
"Most experts believe boys' tendency to take risks, to be more assertive, to fight and compete, to argue, to boast, and to excel at certain skills, such as problem solving, math, and science, is directly linked to the way the brain is hardwired and to the presence of testosterone. This may explain why boys have 'ants in their pants' when they are in the classroom and why teacher call them little 'wiggly worms.' The problem is that boys are often taught at such a tempo that it becomes difficult for them to adjust. Testosterone also accounts for boys' early desire to be the strongest, bravest, toughest, rootin-shootin hombre' on the range. Its just the way God made them."
"If testosterone is the gasoline that powers the brain, serotonin slows the speed and helps one steer." Yikes! That sounds scary and dangerous knowing now that boys have these high levels of go-go-go and not so much of the watch where you're going!!
I was a little wary to read any more biological evidence that boys are just plain crazy, but I did... I read about the amygdala. Its at the base of the brain, in the middle of the hypothalamus and is in charge of signaling other glands into action when a threat or challenge is perceived. "It emits and 'irrational' chemical and electrical response that may save your life in an emergency- but it can also precipitate violence and make matters much worse." Well, fitting with everything else we've been reading... that amygdala is larger in males than in females!
If all that isn't bad enough, I read this:
"Boys, when compared to girls, are six times more likely to have learning disabilities, three times more likely to be registered drug addicts, and four times more likely to be diagnosed as emotionally disturbed. They are at greater risk for schizophrenia, autism, sexual addiction, alcoholism, bed wetting,and all forms of antisocial and criminal behavior. They are twelve times more likely to murder someone, and their rate of death in car accidents is greater by 50 percent. Seventy-seven percent of delinquency-related court cases involve males."
Ahhhhh!!! How discouraging! There was much more, but I won't share any more of those dreadful statistics. I felt a little better after reading this:
"How about it then? Is masculinity good or bad? Right or wrong? Are boys biologically defective? At first blush, it would appear that girls have all the right stuff . On average, they make fewer mistakes, take fewer risks, are better students, are more thoughtful of others, and are less impulsive than boys. Was testosterone one of God's great mistakes? ....... As we have seen, some of them [feminists and other social liberals] are trying to reprogram boys to make them less competitive, less aggressive, and more sensitive. Is that a good idea? Most certainly not. First, because it contradicts masculine nature and will never succeed, and second, because the sexes were carefully designed by the Creator to balance on another's weaknesses and meet one another's needs. Their differences didn't result from an evolutionary error, as it is commonly assumed today. Each sex has a unique purpose in the great scheme of things."
He then spends some time discussing the critical importance of both mother and father in boys' lives and how they can drastically shape and impact their sons by their involvement, guidance and modeling. Most people agree that a mother's care is crucial to a child's life, but Dobson asserts that there is also an urgent importance for fathers to 'be there' for their sons.
"Identification with him [dad] is a far more efficient teacher than lecturing, scolding, punishing, bribing, and cajoling. Boys watch their dads intently, noting every minor detail of behavior and values."
Dobson encourages the importance of mothers to be at home (if they can). That means morning time, after school, dinner time and bedtime. Also, especially for boys who only have brothers, moms are especially important in showing boys what women are like and how to treat women.
Dobson continued to drive home the point of guidance and involvement:
"Because boys are more likely to get off-course when they are not guided and supervised carefully. .... They founder in chaotic, unsupervised, and undisciplined circumstances. Boys are like automobiles that need a driver at the steering wheel every moment of the journey, gently turning a half inch here and a quarter inch there. They will need this guidance for at least sixteen or eighteen years, or even longer. When left to their own devices, they tend to drift toward the center divider or into the ditch, toward misbehavior or danger. yet nearly half (49%) of all school-age children in America do not come home to a parent in the afternoon- they are either alone or in the care of someone other than Mom or Dad. It is an invitation to mischief or disaster for rambunctious males, and the older they get, the more opportunities they have to get into trouble."
Phew! That was a lot! I was sorta getting discouraged by all this stuff, but I know that God is ultimately in control and will, in one way or another, straighten out our mistakes or our boys' mistakes in order to shape our boys into the men He wants them to be. In the mean time, I'm going to take it one day at a time because after what I've read, this job of parenting FOUR BOYS seems overwhelming. At least now some of you will know that if I forget to call, don't bring our entire family into your house, rarely travel past county limits, seem stressed out or am falling asleep in the middle of a conversation- its not you, its my job.... we're bringing up boys over here! :)
For the rest of the book I think he'll be touching on the topics of discipline, single parents, competition, boys in school, becoming men and how to give space while staying close. Okay, so I'm packing these tools and info in my mommy tool belt! And praying, praying, praying for my precious boys!
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
The Hiding Place
I just got back from book club. We read The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom this time, and I couldn't put it down! I can't say enough about this book. If you haven't read it- read it! You will not be disappointed. You will be humbled, encouraged and inspired!
Corrie recounts pieces of her early years, growing up in an amazing family and then what became of them during the Holocaust.. I would love to go back in time and meet her family, especially her dad. I got the impression that every word out of his mouth was wisdom.
Corrie's story is one of great tribulation, faith, forgiveness, love, tragedy and through it all, God's sovereignty and protection. Corrie's family loved God with such passion. They craved His Word like food to their soul. They prayed constantly; in fact, at one point Corrie said of her sister that it became hard to tell when Betsie was speaking to God or to her. Amazing, amazing stuff! I'd like to highlight some parts of the book that really stirred me up inside:
At one point, Corrie shares a story of asking her dad a question as a young girl. Her father felt she was too young to discuss what she had asked about and he handled it with such wisdom.
"Will you carry it (his heavy traveling case) off the train, Corrie?" he said.
I stood up and tugged at it. It was crammed with the watches and spare parts he had purchased that morning.
"Its too heavy," I said.
"Yes," he said. "And it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load. It's the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger, you can bear it. For now, you must trust me to carry it for you."
She thought back to this wisdom several times in her life when the trial before her was too heavy to carry herself. She prayed that God would carry it for her.
In another part of the book, when she and her sister were walking naked into the showers at a prison camp in front of all the guards and feeling so embarrassed and vulnerable this is what happened:
But it was one of these mornings while we were waiting, shivering, in the corridor, that yet another page in the Bible leapt to life for me. He hung naked on the cross.
"Betsie, they took His clothes too."
Ahead of me, I heard a little gasp. "Oh, Corrie. And I never thanked Him."
I thought this was so, so precious and sweet! And it was the thought that their Savior had been stripped naked and humiliated for us that gave them the strength and courage to press on.
Then there is the whole message of forgiveness. Corrie's sister, Betsie, had such a forgiving heart for her persecutors. She prayed for them, felt sorry for them, and was kind to them. It was incredible to read. Years after she had been in prison, Corrie had a situation that put a challenge of forgiveness right in front of her face. A former guard from the shower room at the prison attended one of her speeches at a church service. Here's what happened:
And finally, towards the end of their time in prison, Corrie's precious sister said, "No pit is so deep that He is not deeper still."
Again and again Corrie and her sister were reminded to be thankful in all circumstances- like what it says in 1 Thessalonians, even in the most wretched conditions. They shared the gospel with everyone they met. Their lives were truly humbling and inspirational. What a baby I am! The things I complain about! The things I struggle to forgive! The things I need! Ick, its despicable!
A couple days after I finished reading the book, Corrie's amazing story was still racing through my mind. I opened my bible and read Paul's words to Timothy saying that Christians would "be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and sincere faith." That seemed to fit with the character of the entire Ten Boom family. Also, I read a little later, "For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do." I have no idea what Corrie and her sister Betsie looked like while they were in prison, but I can only imagine that as God looked down on them, they shined with radiant beauty that glorified Him.
“Never allow yourself to complain about anything, not even the weather. Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or some place else. Never compare your lot with another’s. Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise. Never dwell on tomorrow ~ remember that tomorrow is Gods, not yours.” -author unknown
Corrie recounts pieces of her early years, growing up in an amazing family and then what became of them during the Holocaust.. I would love to go back in time and meet her family, especially her dad. I got the impression that every word out of his mouth was wisdom.
Corrie's story is one of great tribulation, faith, forgiveness, love, tragedy and through it all, God's sovereignty and protection. Corrie's family loved God with such passion. They craved His Word like food to their soul. They prayed constantly; in fact, at one point Corrie said of her sister that it became hard to tell when Betsie was speaking to God or to her. Amazing, amazing stuff! I'd like to highlight some parts of the book that really stirred me up inside:
At one point, Corrie shares a story of asking her dad a question as a young girl. Her father felt she was too young to discuss what she had asked about and he handled it with such wisdom.
"Will you carry it (his heavy traveling case) off the train, Corrie?" he said.
I stood up and tugged at it. It was crammed with the watches and spare parts he had purchased that morning.
"Its too heavy," I said.
"Yes," he said. "And it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load. It's the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger, you can bear it. For now, you must trust me to carry it for you."
She thought back to this wisdom several times in her life when the trial before her was too heavy to carry herself. She prayed that God would carry it for her.
In another part of the book, when she and her sister were walking naked into the showers at a prison camp in front of all the guards and feeling so embarrassed and vulnerable this is what happened:
But it was one of these mornings while we were waiting, shivering, in the corridor, that yet another page in the Bible leapt to life for me. He hung naked on the cross.
"Betsie, they took His clothes too."
Ahead of me, I heard a little gasp. "Oh, Corrie. And I never thanked Him."
I thought this was so, so precious and sweet! And it was the thought that their Savior had been stripped naked and humiliated for us that gave them the strength and courage to press on.
Then there is the whole message of forgiveness. Corrie's sister, Betsie, had such a forgiving heart for her persecutors. She prayed for them, felt sorry for them, and was kind to them. It was incredible to read. Years after she had been in prison, Corrie had a situation that put a challenge of forgiveness right in front of her face. A former guard from the shower room at the prison attended one of her speeches at a church service. Here's what happened:
His hand was thrust out to shake mine. And I, who had preached so often to the people in Bloemendaal the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side.
Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? Lord Jesus, I prayed, forgive me and help me to forgive him.
I tried to smile, I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again, I breathed a silent prayer. Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me Your forgiveness.
As I took his hand, the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder, along my arm and through my hand, a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me."And finally, towards the end of their time in prison, Corrie's precious sister said, "No pit is so deep that He is not deeper still."
Again and again Corrie and her sister were reminded to be thankful in all circumstances- like what it says in 1 Thessalonians, even in the most wretched conditions. They shared the gospel with everyone they met. Their lives were truly humbling and inspirational. What a baby I am! The things I complain about! The things I struggle to forgive! The things I need! Ick, its despicable!
A couple days after I finished reading the book, Corrie's amazing story was still racing through my mind. I opened my bible and read Paul's words to Timothy saying that Christians would "be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and sincere faith." That seemed to fit with the character of the entire Ten Boom family. Also, I read a little later, "For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do." I have no idea what Corrie and her sister Betsie looked like while they were in prison, but I can only imagine that as God looked down on them, they shined with radiant beauty that glorified Him.
“Never allow yourself to complain about anything, not even the weather. Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or some place else. Never compare your lot with another’s. Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise. Never dwell on tomorrow ~ remember that tomorrow is Gods, not yours.” -author unknown
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
The Birth Order Book!
We had our last book club gathering last week for our latest read: The Birth Order Book. It was a very interesting read. Dr. Kevin Leman claims that there are certain personality traits that people tend to have depending on their birth order. These traits are not an absolute, but a typical generalization or indicator of strengths and weaknesses.
Here is a general layout of common personality traits found in each birth order:
*along with each typical trait, he gives examples of how depending on the person that trait can be a strength or weakness
Firstborn Typical Traits
For example, Jonny is technically a lastborn; however it is possible that he could be, as Leman would say, a "functional firstborn." There are a few reasons 1) Both of Jonny's parents are firstborns, which would make it more likely that they would pass on firstborn qualities, depending on the way they ran their home. 2) The oldest sibling (a brother) Jonny was raised with is 7 yrs older. Leman claims that when there is more than a 5yr gap- this creates a "new family" within the family. 3) Jonny's next sibling (a sister) is 21mos older. Since she is a girl, she would be a firstborn girl. This would make Jonny a "functional" firstborn male. However, after reading this book, I think Jonny totally lines up with the typical traits of a lastborn. Definitely not a firstborn. Some of Jonny's more noticeable lastborn tendencies are: easy-going, laid back, indulgent, unorganized, procrastinator, people person, lovable, goofy & spontaneous.
If anyone has guessed by now, that is almost completely opposite of firstborn Jessie! Some of my more noticeable firstborn tendencies are: conscientious, sensitive, goal oriented, picky, nurturer, rule follower, list maker, organized, serious & a planner. Leman claims, though, that the best way to marry is out of your birth order; in fact, he claims that the couples who do best together are firstborns paired with lastborns. Ha! I guess Jonny and I are a perfect couple.... NOT! Leman dedicates a whole chapter to the topic, its titled Birth Order Marriages Aren't Made in Heaven. I like how he ends the section, "No matter what your birth order and that of your spouse, what counts is how you use your particular strengths and how you modify or deal with your particular weaknesses. Knowing your own birth order characteristics and those of your mate is just one step toward learning how to get along and have a happy life together." I laughed so much reading about the birth orders with me and Jonny in mind. We fit the profiles so well, and we concluded that we are pretty good for each other. He helps me to ease up a bit when I'm uptight. I help him realize that being clean and organized is a good thing! :)
Leman spends the last half of the book discussing different family types and ways of parenting your different birth orders in order to maximize each child's particular strengths. For example, alone time is great for middle children. My mom has been telling us for awhile now how dates with Noah would probably be a great idea. Last night, Noah stayed up later than his brothers and had Jonny and my complete and undivided attention. He LOVED it!
There was one point my friend made that I think is worth mentioning. She was a bit offended by the book and Leman's assertion that each birthorder has these typical weaknesses. She thought that as a Christian man, he should have taken into account more of God's grace sovereignty in our lives. After all, He makes us a new creation right? We are no longer dead to sin, but alive in Him. Our old, fleshly habits are erased and pushed as far as the east is the west. I agree with my friend, and appreciated this quote of Leman's, "Birth order is never a final determinant of anything, only an indicator of problems and tensions that you may discover or create for yourselves."
All in all, I would say it was a good read! Oh, one more little interesting fact: most US presidents- firstborns. Most of the well-known comedians- lastborns!
Here is a general layout of common personality traits found in each birth order:
*along with each typical trait, he gives examples of how depending on the person that trait can be a strength or weakness
Firstborn Typical Traits
- Leadership ability
- Aggressive
- Compliant
- Perfectionist
- Organized
- Driver
- List maker
- Logical
- Scholarly
- Confident, self-assured
- Perfectionist
- Organized
- Driver
- List maker
- Logical
- Scholarly
- Grew up feeling squeezed & rootless
- Reasonable expectations
- Social lion
- Independent thinker
- Compromising
- Diplomatic
- Secretive
- Charming
- People Oriented
- Tenacious
- Affectionate & engaging
- Uncomplicated
- Attention seeking
For example, Jonny is technically a lastborn; however it is possible that he could be, as Leman would say, a "functional firstborn." There are a few reasons 1) Both of Jonny's parents are firstborns, which would make it more likely that they would pass on firstborn qualities, depending on the way they ran their home. 2) The oldest sibling (a brother) Jonny was raised with is 7 yrs older. Leman claims that when there is more than a 5yr gap- this creates a "new family" within the family. 3) Jonny's next sibling (a sister) is 21mos older. Since she is a girl, she would be a firstborn girl. This would make Jonny a "functional" firstborn male. However, after reading this book, I think Jonny totally lines up with the typical traits of a lastborn. Definitely not a firstborn. Some of Jonny's more noticeable lastborn tendencies are: easy-going, laid back, indulgent, unorganized, procrastinator, people person, lovable, goofy & spontaneous.
If anyone has guessed by now, that is almost completely opposite of firstborn Jessie! Some of my more noticeable firstborn tendencies are: conscientious, sensitive, goal oriented, picky, nurturer, rule follower, list maker, organized, serious & a planner. Leman claims, though, that the best way to marry is out of your birth order; in fact, he claims that the couples who do best together are firstborns paired with lastborns. Ha! I guess Jonny and I are a perfect couple.... NOT! Leman dedicates a whole chapter to the topic, its titled Birth Order Marriages Aren't Made in Heaven. I like how he ends the section, "No matter what your birth order and that of your spouse, what counts is how you use your particular strengths and how you modify or deal with your particular weaknesses. Knowing your own birth order characteristics and those of your mate is just one step toward learning how to get along and have a happy life together." I laughed so much reading about the birth orders with me and Jonny in mind. We fit the profiles so well, and we concluded that we are pretty good for each other. He helps me to ease up a bit when I'm uptight. I help him realize that being clean and organized is a good thing! :)
Leman spends the last half of the book discussing different family types and ways of parenting your different birth orders in order to maximize each child's particular strengths. For example, alone time is great for middle children. My mom has been telling us for awhile now how dates with Noah would probably be a great idea. Last night, Noah stayed up later than his brothers and had Jonny and my complete and undivided attention. He LOVED it!
There was one point my friend made that I think is worth mentioning. She was a bit offended by the book and Leman's assertion that each birthorder has these typical weaknesses. She thought that as a Christian man, he should have taken into account more of God's grace sovereignty in our lives. After all, He makes us a new creation right? We are no longer dead to sin, but alive in Him. Our old, fleshly habits are erased and pushed as far as the east is the west. I agree with my friend, and appreciated this quote of Leman's, "Birth order is never a final determinant of anything, only an indicator of problems and tensions that you may discover or create for yourselves."
All in all, I would say it was a good read! Oh, one more little interesting fact: most US presidents- firstborns. Most of the well-known comedians- lastborns!
Saturday, September 18, 2010
So Long Insecurity
Some friends and I are reading this book, So Long Insecurity: You've Been a Bad Friend To Us. I'm really enjoying the book so far and wanted to share some highlights that caught my attention in the first six chapters.
The first thing I want to share is how Beth Moore stated that we, although we think we are, not alone. Everyone has some sort of insecurity.
"Let's go ahead and unload ourselves of considerable culpability: the only thing it takes to develop insecurity is to be born human and raised on planet Earth." -p. 60
The enemy wants us to doubt our worth believe the following lies:
"I'm not worth wanting. I'm not worth loving. I'm not even worth liking. I'm not worth pursuing. I'm not worth fighting for. I'm not worth keeping. I'm not worth hiring. I'm not even worth noticing." -p.73
Now, I will say these things are true to a certain degree. Apart from Christ, we are nothing. We are sinners and deserve nothing. We are not saved because we deserve it, we are saved by grace, despite our filth and nothing we could ever do would be good enough. But in His own goodness and kindness, He makes us worth loving because it glorifies Him. That said, if one of my children were to believe any of these things about himself, I would say NO, NOT TRUE!
One of the most powerful forces that feeds our insecurity is a feeling threatened. "... We can trace feelings of insecurity to a perceived threat, especially when it comes in a sudden rush. What are we afraid of? Who are we afraid of? What are we afraid of losing? Why are we afraid of being displaced?" -p.48
This made so much sense to me. For example, when I was 8-14 I HATED it when my mom dated. I was insecure because I felt threatened. What? I was afraid of something changing out of my control. I was afraid of losing my mom. Who? I was afraid of the guys. Why? I was afraid of not being loved by my mom as much. (I can share about this now because it is no longer an issue. My mom married my step-dad when I was 17... when I was very preoccupied with Jonny... and I know that she still loves me just as much as she ever has.)
Next, I found this interesting... There are several roots that may cause/contribute to our insecurity: instability in the home, significant loss, rejection, dramatic change, personal limitations, personal dispositions, our culture, and (the root of everything icky) PRIDE! I'm not going to share my personal experiences in each of these categories- let's just say certain things are making sense. I especially related to her explanation of personal disposition.
"Sometimes it boils down to our most basic personal components: disposition and temperament. Although insecurity and sensitivity are not synonymous, people who are especially tenderhearted are significantly more predisposed to insecurity. In other words, the more tenderhearted we are, the more vulnerable to insecurity we'll likely be. Some people take things harder and deeper to heart than others. It's not a matter of weakness. It's a matter of personal sensitivity." -p. 83
Okay, this little section made a lot of sense. If you didn't already know- I'm very sensitive. =) I've always quoted this line from a Jewel song that goes like this: "So please be careful with me. I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way."
When I read that part about being sensitive, I first thought- yeah, see that's why. It's almost like a good excuse to be insecure and upset about everything. Then I read the part about pride. She didn't say this, but I sorta feel convicted that maybe instead of sensitivity being a good excuse to be offended or be upset, it may actually mean that I have major pride issues. Maybe the more sensitive someone is, the more pride the have? I don't really know... still thinking and praying through that one. Here's what Beth Moore had to say about pride.
"Pride is one of those roots that God can jerk up in a second. We just have to pry our sweet little fingers loose. Our culture has done us no greater injustice than training us to avoid taking responsibility for our own issues. In trying to relieve us of the whole concept of personal sin, our culture's reordered values have cheated us of the right to repentance and sublime restoration. They have hijacked our healing. A clear heart and a clean path are still only one sincere confession away." -p.107
So far, everything I've shared about this book makes it seem like she's just pointing out how messed up we are and how much life sucks on planet Earth. Well, I'll end with this last excerpt that delivered some good news:
"The thunder crashes in the heavens, and the earth grows dark in the middle of the afternoon, and a man, beaten to a bloody pulp, cries from a cross between two thieves, 'It is finished!' Because he did, one day God will wipe away every tear from the eyes of those who trusted Him, and there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things will pass away and all our hardship will be finished." -p.86
He knows are pain. He knows our struggles. He knows our insecurities. He helps us work through them, and He promises that it will soon be gone. (deep exhale)
The first thing I want to share is how Beth Moore stated that we, although we think we are, not alone. Everyone has some sort of insecurity.
"Let's go ahead and unload ourselves of considerable culpability: the only thing it takes to develop insecurity is to be born human and raised on planet Earth." -p. 60
The enemy wants us to doubt our worth believe the following lies:
"I'm not worth wanting. I'm not worth loving. I'm not even worth liking. I'm not worth pursuing. I'm not worth fighting for. I'm not worth keeping. I'm not worth hiring. I'm not even worth noticing." -p.73
Now, I will say these things are true to a certain degree. Apart from Christ, we are nothing. We are sinners and deserve nothing. We are not saved because we deserve it, we are saved by grace, despite our filth and nothing we could ever do would be good enough. But in His own goodness and kindness, He makes us worth loving because it glorifies Him. That said, if one of my children were to believe any of these things about himself, I would say NO, NOT TRUE!
One of the most powerful forces that feeds our insecurity is a feeling threatened. "... We can trace feelings of insecurity to a perceived threat, especially when it comes in a sudden rush. What are we afraid of? Who are we afraid of? What are we afraid of losing? Why are we afraid of being displaced?" -p.48
This made so much sense to me. For example, when I was 8-14 I HATED it when my mom dated. I was insecure because I felt threatened. What? I was afraid of something changing out of my control. I was afraid of losing my mom. Who? I was afraid of the guys. Why? I was afraid of not being loved by my mom as much. (I can share about this now because it is no longer an issue. My mom married my step-dad when I was 17... when I was very preoccupied with Jonny... and I know that she still loves me just as much as she ever has.)
Next, I found this interesting... There are several roots that may cause/contribute to our insecurity: instability in the home, significant loss, rejection, dramatic change, personal limitations, personal dispositions, our culture, and (the root of everything icky) PRIDE! I'm not going to share my personal experiences in each of these categories- let's just say certain things are making sense. I especially related to her explanation of personal disposition.
"Sometimes it boils down to our most basic personal components: disposition and temperament. Although insecurity and sensitivity are not synonymous, people who are especially tenderhearted are significantly more predisposed to insecurity. In other words, the more tenderhearted we are, the more vulnerable to insecurity we'll likely be. Some people take things harder and deeper to heart than others. It's not a matter of weakness. It's a matter of personal sensitivity." -p. 83
Okay, this little section made a lot of sense. If you didn't already know- I'm very sensitive. =) I've always quoted this line from a Jewel song that goes like this: "So please be careful with me. I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way."
When I read that part about being sensitive, I first thought- yeah, see that's why. It's almost like a good excuse to be insecure and upset about everything. Then I read the part about pride. She didn't say this, but I sorta feel convicted that maybe instead of sensitivity being a good excuse to be offended or be upset, it may actually mean that I have major pride issues. Maybe the more sensitive someone is, the more pride the have? I don't really know... still thinking and praying through that one. Here's what Beth Moore had to say about pride.
"Pride is one of those roots that God can jerk up in a second. We just have to pry our sweet little fingers loose. Our culture has done us no greater injustice than training us to avoid taking responsibility for our own issues. In trying to relieve us of the whole concept of personal sin, our culture's reordered values have cheated us of the right to repentance and sublime restoration. They have hijacked our healing. A clear heart and a clean path are still only one sincere confession away." -p.107
So far, everything I've shared about this book makes it seem like she's just pointing out how messed up we are and how much life sucks on planet Earth. Well, I'll end with this last excerpt that delivered some good news:
"The thunder crashes in the heavens, and the earth grows dark in the middle of the afternoon, and a man, beaten to a bloody pulp, cries from a cross between two thieves, 'It is finished!' Because he did, one day God will wipe away every tear from the eyes of those who trusted Him, and there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things will pass away and all our hardship will be finished." -p.86
He knows are pain. He knows our struggles. He knows our insecurities. He helps us work through them, and He promises that it will soon be gone. (deep exhale)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)