Lately, I've been stewing over a couple negative comments that were made to Jonny and I directly (and some behind our back). Do I say something back? Do I smile and kindly move on? Yeah, probably so... I am totally guilty of sticking my foot in my mouth. Then the other night, I came across this post from a blog I like to read. She's a mom of 11 (no, that wasn't a typo. She has 11 children.) Some are adopted, some are biological. She and her husband love Jesus. I like to read about their crazy (in most people's eyes) life and see their godly priorities. Anyway, below I have copied and pasted most of her post. Most of the "things you should never say" are hers, but I added a few of my own. If you want to read her whole post, its here. Enjoy, and lets all be slow to speak!!
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I have pretty much heard it all when it comes to my big family. People say some pretty interesting and sometimes hurtful things to us. Sometimes it is strangers, sometimes it is people we know and love. None the less, it is annoying and hurtful all the same.
But, it isn't just our family or big families that are the target of people saying or asking rude questions. In fact the more I talk about this with others, the more I realize that almost everyone is a target.
So, my hope is to help educate people. Perhaps you have unknowingly said one of these things. It's okay. We all say things we shouldn't say. But, I think we can all learn to be more careful in our choice of words.
Things you should never say. Ever.
* Never, ever ask a women if she is pregnant. She could be overweight. She could have an illness, or she could have diastasis like me.
* Never ask a big family if "they know how that happens". It's crude. No one wants to discuss their sex life with a stranger... or some relatives.
* Never ask an adoptive family which ones are their "real kids". All children are real.
* Never ask an adoptive family if the children are "real brothers and sisters". Siblings are siblings no matter how they became that way.
* Never ask a childless couple when they are going to have kids. They could be trying. They could be infertile. They may not want children.
*Never ask a couple who are pregnant again where they are going to put "it". First of all, "it" is not a piece of furniture to find space for. Second of all, "it" is a baby, please refer to "it" as such. Third of all, its not nice to insult someone on the size of their home.
* Never say to a big family, "Your house must be huge". Usually our homes are not.
* Never ask a single person why they are still single. It's rude!
* Never ask if the black child in a family is from Africa. Not all black adopted children come from Africa.
* Never ask someone how much money they make. Period.
* Never say, "You're only having two?" to a couple. A couple's family planning is between them and God.
* Never respond to news of another pregnancy with a disgusted or pitied, "I can't even imagine!" Its not a disease diagnosis, a child is a gift from God!
* Never talk about your negative feelings of someone's pregnancy with a mutual friend or relative. Most likely, the gossip will get back to the expecting couple and be hurtful.
* Never ask a dating couple when they are going to get married. Awkward!
* Never, even in jest, ask a couple if they are "done". I don't care how many kids they have. It's none of your business.
* Never tell a new Mom how to take care of her baby. She will figure it out herself like we all do.
* Never offer unsolicited disciplinary advice to a Mom with a child who is out of control. You don't know if that child has autism, ADHD, RAD or just having a hard time... that Mom may very well be doing the best she can.
*Never offer unsolicited parenting advice, whether a child is acting out or not. Just don't!
* If a child is melting down in a public place, don't stare. Move on. Again, you have no idea what that child may mentally be dealing with.
* Never ask a homeschooling Mom how she manages to teach all of her children. Teachers have 25-35 students each day they have to teach and they aren't even her own kids.
* Never ask an adoptive parent how much their child "cost". Families who don't mind sharing that info will be open about it, otherwise, if you're really interested, do some adoption research.
* If a pregnant woman looks very pregnant, never say "You look ready to pop." She may have months left to go.
* Never, ever tell a pregnant woman she looks like she is carrying twins. She probably isn't.
* Never tell a childless couple how great having a baby is. Again, they may be infertile.
* Never tell new parents all of the horror stories of being a parent.
* Never tell a newly pregnant woman all of the horror stories of birth.
* Never ask an adoptive Mom about her children's birth parents, especially in front of the child. Things like Why didn't they want him? Or Why was she given up? Those comments are hurtful to the child and often times the adoptive parent prefers to keep the information on the birth parents private.
* Never tell a woman who miscarried that "It was for the best because the child probably had issues." or "You can always have another one." Its insensitive.
* Never ask a parent with children of only one gender "Are you going to keep trying for a girl (or boy)?" or "I bet you wish you had a girl (or boy)!" Especially, in front of the kids.
*Never apologize or say, "Oh no!" to a couple who finds out they're having their 3rd, 4th, or 5th boy (or girl) in a row. If you really feel upset about it, take it up with God.
* Never say (with a must suck to be you sort of attitude), "You sure do have your hands full!". How about, "What a house full of blessings you have!"
Remember that line from Bambi?
"If you can't say nothin' nice, don't say nothin' at all!!"
That's right! Baby #4 is a BOY!!! It was pretty obvious to the doctor. I think he found it within 30 seconds of starting. Jonny mentioned how we've been wanting a girl, and right as I interrupted with "But a boy would be just as wonderful!" The doctor said, "Well, I'm glad you said that because if I saw what I think just flashed by, your baby is a boy!" Jonny and I both started laughing. 
