During Spring Break Jonny and I decided to make a few changes. This is huge... are you ready? Okay, it may be really easy for some people, but we decided it would be better for us to not watch any T.V. on school nights after Eli's bedtime at 8:30pm. This is our first week, and its been great! During our no-T.V. time, we decided to spend some (not necessarily all, but some) of that time being together. Not just in close proximity, like the same room, but being together- doing something together. Its funny because before we were married, and even the first couple years of being married, when we watched T.V. we'd sit very close together on the same couch. Now we lay on separate couches. Not that that is bad, its just interesting how things change. We also used to play cards or Scrabble before bed, now life seems so much more exhausting and we just crawl into bed already half- asleep. So anyway, for our together time we're making an effort to spend more time talking together, playing a game together or reading together. The time, so far, seems so much more valuable.
We started reading a couple marriage books together- just to freshen up on a few things. One of the books we're reading is The Five Love Languages. There are some cheesy stories that the author uses to demonstrate the different languages, but it gets the point across. (If you're interested, it's a pretty quick read, we'll finish our last chapter tomorrow night.) We read this book before our wedding, and it was insightful then, but there is definitely a new perspective and greater understanding coming into it almost six years and three kids later.
I think most people have heard the basic idea of the book- that people give and receive love in different ways based mostly on how they grew up. If love was shown or not shown in a certain way in the home you grew up in, it affects how you communicate love to your spouse and children. It has not only been a check on how Jonny and I are communicating love to each other, but its also been very enlightening on how we're showing love to our children. I want them to be well-rounded in all the areas: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, & Physical Touch. (We haven't read the last two yet, but I think as a mom I'm constantly showing the boys those ones!)
When we read the chapter about Words of Affirmation, I was greatly convicted over the way I sometimes communicate- not only to Jonny, but to Eli and Noah. What kind of example am I setting when I get annoyed and speak with irritation in my tone- to any of them? One of the stories the author used as an example of affirming your spouse rather than nagging and annoying your spouse was about this lady who wanted her husband to do some house chore. She had asked him over and over, and he was perfectly aware she wanted it done, but he never did it. The counselor suggested she start complimenting and praising him for the things he did do and never mention that chore again. So she did. She dropped the nagging. She started thanking him for all the things he did and telling him how much she appreciated him. And guess what!? He did that chore- even though she never asked him again! Amazing!
Eli and Noah are both really helpful boys. They like to help me do laundry, unload the dishwasher, sweep the floor, clean up their toys before I vacuum, but I've gotten so used to them doing these things that I don't praise them as much as I should. When I do praise them for being such great helper boys, they love it! Their faces gleam and they want to help even more. There are many aspects to the Words of Affirmation part- complimenting, praising, thanking, encouraging, and using humble and kind words. Not only do I want to speak to Eli and Noah in these ways, I want my kids to see Jonny and I communicating to each other in a loving way as well. Seriously, I need to work on some things.... "Jonny, the trash can is overflowing, again." is not as nice as, "Hun, will you please take the trash out on your way out the door?" And then remembering to say THANK YOU! Sheesh... so simple!
Anyway, I don't know why I spent so much time on the Words of Affirmation language- its not even mine or Jonny's primary love language. I guess this year I'm so much more aware of my speech- what I'm saying and how I'm saying it. And guess what? Now I get to be challenged with it. We found out this week that Jonny won't be getting his two week summer job at OSU this year. The last two years he taught a chemistry unit in July for OSU's kid's summer program, and it was a huge financial help for us. Instead, it looks like Jonny will be teaching Driver's Ed at his high school over the summer to make up for the lost income. BUT... he first has to be certified. This requires him to take classes in Portland every Saturday and Sunday in April, (except this weekend) as well as three weekends in June. It's definitely not ideal, but I'm going to try to make the best out of it and not complain! I am so thankful to have a hard working husband who provides for our family. I am blessed to be able to stay home and raise our kids. Its a blessing that Jonny will even get this job and that nothing is required of him in the month of May.
So here we go... I'm SO looking forward to our time together this weekend. God is good. Tomorrow we will remember the sacrifice He made for us, Saturday we will wait- something God often has us do, and Sunday we will rejoice that sin's curse has lost its grip on us!!! Thank you Jesus!
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